Okay, so this is one of those hot-under-the-collar topics that really has nothing to do with anything. hahaha It just drives me ABSOLUTELY BONKERS, and so OBVIOUSLY needed to be written about.
But people, I do not care WHO THE HECK you are, you do NOT get to have an opinion as to whether or not it is time for Mr. Man and I to have another baby. NO ONE gets to decide that, and for FLIP sake none of you are even allowed an OPINION, okay?? GEEEEEEEEEEEzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........!!!!!!!!!
I swear I can't go a day without being asked by someone when we're having another baby, or worse, TOLD it's TIME. Really? REALLY? You think it's time? REALLY? Do you?? Huh, that's interesting. Would YOU like to be in my family and a part of this marriage? Because THEN you can have an opinion. And, oh WAIT! I'm pretty sure even THEN it's not 100% up to Mr. Man and I but hugely to do with whether or not the Lord thinks it's time, too - if it had been up to me do you really think I would have chosen 9 months of discomfort followed by squeezing a human being out of you-know-where to get Little Miss?? ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY NOT.
What is it about EVERYONE that makes them the expert? Or that entitles practical STRANGERS to xeroxed copies of my life's plan?? WHY does small-talk at church with EVERYONE ALWAYS go from what-are-you-doing-now-that-school's-over (with some you-evil-career-pursuing-sinner, oh-what-wait-you-want-to-stay-at-home-with-your-offspring? Wasn't-school-a-waste-of-time-then? You-must-be-the-dumbest-person-on-Earth [yeeeeeeaaaahhhh.... I have that conversation A LOT]) to when-are-you-having-another-baby??
I ABSOLUTELY understand when my FRIENDS ask. When I look at my friends and wonder about their plans, desires, or possibly lack-of-success trying to procreate YES I will ask. But ohmigosh, if I've EVER asked you or teased you about expanding your brood consider yourself one of my absolutely most adored persons EVER because it is just WAY WAY too personal a topic to broach with ANYONE else.
Why do we think it's okay to ask strangers about it?? I have one friend who was married for 8 years in which she had at LEAST that number of miscarriages becoming increasingly devastated with every failed pregnancy only to be reminded and looked down on every week she went baby-less to church. What the hell IS that?? "When are you going to start having kids, do you think?" Good grief, what if she'd miscarried YESTERDAY when you asked her that question. Is her agony really worth your filling the air with gut-wrenching "small-talk" so you're up on the latest gossip?
I've lately taken to just discontinuing conversation with ignoramuses who ask if, or tell me it's time for another bun in the oven. OR I'll spill the gory details of why I'm not. And frankly, I'm tired of repeating it day in and day out.
No. I am NOT pregnant. Little Miss will be at least well over 3 years old before she becomes a big sister, and who knows how much older.
No, I would NOT love to be pregnant. It's uncomfortable, tiring, vomit-inducing, and I have a ridiculously active 2.5 year old to keep up with. I figure that attitude comes from not having loved being pregnant the first time around, but I do absolutely recognize it is a means to a WONDERFUL end, and yes, do absolutely hope to get pregnant again in my future, at least one more time.
Mr. Man and I had been hoping to get pregnant by Jan/Feb of this year. Which is ridiculously difficult to do during your last insane semester of an undergraduate degree with a husband commuting 3 hours a day. I know, I've tried. AND since I've been suffering from amenorrhea since February, I don't imagine I'm going to GET pregnant in the near future, until that sorts itself out, at least.
So, with our stated desire to get pregnant and the apparent cessation of my menstrual cycle, including the oh-so-important ovulation, it seems quite obvious to ME that NOW is NOT the time, despite what you may think. Pretty sure that Mr. Man and I decided, were overruled, and it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
And you know what? I'm fine with that. I was disappointed to keep peeing on sticks and getting one instead of two lines, sure. But it's not going to happen now, so what's the point in getting all bent out of shape about it?? Except for our air conditioner failing to respond to the flicking of the ON switch, I have had a glorious two weeks staycation. Little Miss and I are absolutely loving finding our groove and figuring out how the heck the whole mommy's-home-all-the-time-now thing works (no, she is not emotionally ruined or scarred for life, thank you, my critics, for THAT vote of confidence.) And when we've found our groove, if my cycle hasn't regulated with the reduced stress and new-found level of NORMALCY in my life then YES I WILL get to the doctor (please for goodness' sake do not leave a comment telling me to go to the doctor. I WILL. It's NORMAL for me to have amenorrhea-ic episodes - I went all last summer with no period. And no, I am NOT anorexic. I just wrote a paper on that, and got an A+, so that should tell you I learned a little bit of SOMETHING about it - seriously, the things I've been asked or accused of the last few weeks astound me). When Mr. Man, myself, and the Lord are all in agreement that it's time for baby number two I'm SURE it will happen. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe it will be another 3 years from now. Maybe we're done having kids and going to adopt. WE don't know, so why should you?
So THAT is WAY too much information about THAT, and if any of you ask me in the future I reserve the right to smack you up the side of your head.
And when you DO ask someone, PLEASE for the love of anything and everything, be TACTFUL, and maybe reserve that question for someone who WANTS to tell YOU what's going on, and not just as it's-my-Christian-duty-to-check-on-your-obedience-to-Mormon-doctrine-as-a-concerned-Relief-Society-sister-who's-never-spoken-to-you-before-in-my-life.
I'm sitting on a really uncomfortable non-chair, and I can't imagine having anything constructive to add, so now you know.
12 comments:
Amen girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hear! Hear! Time for people to back off a little!!
now THAT was a rather enjoyable, useful rant!! You speak for SO MANY women!! GO YOU! ;) NW
A+ on your paper! That's great! hahaha
I have experienced this myself but in other ways..people are WAY TOO NOSEY!!! If I don't talk to you about it don't talk to me about it!!
A few people came up to me recently and said "so according to the timing of your last 2 kids, you should be pregnant now." When I told them I was NOT they said "ya right, we don't believe you." Well, they're just going to have to believe it because there is NO bun in this oven (for now). Honestly, I had 2 kids in 18 months, I'm taking a break.
hear hear! we didn't get pregnant the first time until we'd been married over 3 years and boy did we hear the "when are you going to have kids???" line! i don't think people cared so much that we wanted to finish school and that, oh wait, it took us 8 months to get pregnant when we WERE trying. people are incredibly insensitive...fertility issues are some of the most difficult things a woman can deal with and whether or not that's the case with certain individuals, people need to think before they speak. love ya!!
Amen sister!! I wholly agree with you. I have it even better, 27, going to school, not married, no boyfriend, So by some standards i'm pretty much already an old maid and will never have a family. Apparantly it would be much more acceptable to define myself by just marrying someone, doesn't matter if i love them or not, and have a family cuz that's what you're suppose to do by a certain point of time. Whatever, I don't have time for people like that, I'd rather take my time and smell the roses of life. And your right, things happen when they're suppose to happen, so there's no need to get all stressed about it.
Oh My gosh Becca I couldn't say it better myself. There's NOTHING left to say after that. AMEN!!! When someone bugs me again I'll send them your way to take care of on my behalf. haha your awesome. Congrats on graduating again hun!!! It's so annoying as well when people outside the church as well assume that I'm done having kids just because I have a boy and a girl and they think theres no reason to have anymore why would I. I want to slap those people to. Who wht heckare they to tell me how many kids I should have. Or those people that pitty my sis-in-law because shes on her 3rd boy. how the heck says "oh I'm so sorry. I bet your upset you probably really wanted a girl" freakin heck. BUG OFF!!! She can have babies no problem and to her thats the greatest blessing of all. what the Lord gives her or anyone for that matter is a blessing in it's self. Anyway girl. Love ya. Good for you
I understand your frustration, but although I have had numerous miscarriages and continued difficulty with fertility, I'm not nearly as bitter. To be honest, reading this is rather off-putting... I understand that your intentions were good, but it almost comes off as a slap in the face. You think you know, but you only know one-tenth of what it feels like... being lucky enough to have one child already. When people ask me why I don't have children already, I'm not hurt, or surprised, or insulted; instead I see it as an opportunity to educate about infertility, and to help ease some of the 'ignorance' out there. But... I guess that is what you're doing here... I'm rambling now.
Wow, ANONYMOUS. You assume too much about me. Which is fine, your prerogative, and loss. Just do me a favour next time you decide to publicly take a stab at "bitter" old me here, and sign your name.
Oh Snap!! lol... OR in Red Speak, "Huzzah!"
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