The countdown, the break-up, and..who knows what else?

My last final (ever?!?! Sure is the PLAN!) is on April 21st. April 21st.

Ohmigosh, that's so...so.... SOON!!

That's only 44 sleeps from now. (I totally just pulled up my Google Calendar and counted with my finger bouncing from day to day on my computer screen. I'm sitting in the hall in the PhysEd/Kinesiology wing of the school near the entrance to the gym, counting days. That's right, I really AM this cool.)

Yeah. I'm just a little excited. AND although I'm hitting crunch time for this semester (how crunched can it really get with 2 classes + 1 independent study, I mean, REALLY?) I'm looking forward to it - crunch time is when I have no life, no time to breathe hardly, I alienate friends/would-be friends/nice people who may have otherwise wanted to say hello to me, my house gets lost under dust bunnies and ridiculous amounts of clutter, we stop eating properly (and I sometimes stop eating 'cause there's only enough food in the house to feed Little Miss... hahaha) but it's ALSO the time where I learn the most, I'm the most productive, I re-discover WHY I'm still in school, WHY I love this major program, how smart I really AM beneath all my disorganization and insanity, and really EARN my grades.

Crunch time, I wish I could figure out how to exist properly without you, but oh how I heart thee for so many other reasons.

BRING. IT. ONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Okay, on a totally different note, not school related at all, I'm OFFICIALLY OFF SUGAR again. I told you about my downfall with those wonderful dark-chocolate-covered Polish marshmallow goodies The Jedi gave me during a study session last semester, yes? And then...the bandwagon...it just took off without me! I just COULDN'T catch back up to it to hop back on!! PHEW! BUT after it's lapped me a few times around now I've CAUGHT it and I'm ON BOARD.

I know I know some of you think I need to be less drastic, but I really find this the most effective for myself. I'm so horrendously...UNABLE to turn it down once I've tasted it.... I just keep eating. Like, coming home from rehearsal a few weeks ago with RaeDawn we stopped at a corner store to get the KIDS in the car a snack....and we bought ourselves a box of flakies to split. On the 40 minute carride I downed two flakies without batting an eyelash, and had my third almost the instant I walked into my house, as soon as Mr. Man was out of my line of sight.

See...when I wrote this post about losing control the other day...it wasn't SUPPOSED to be funny! hahaha I got some feedback about it being a good laugh or whatever but I'm like, DUDE! That was like, me spilling my eating-disordered innards all over my keyboard! Which is totally fine - I'm learning about myself that I'm at least viewed as a constant jokester (come on people, I don't laugh ALL the time!)

Anyway, so as I was saying, it's EASIER to just cut it out completely, for me, than to treat myself occasionally. The occasional TREAT turns into the occasional ridiculous BINGE session and they become less and less occasional and more and more FREQUENT. The more I allow myself to binge the more I CRAVE a binge session and it's just not WORTH it.

(Gaaaaahhhhhh.... as I'm writing I'm sitting here with my iPod plugged in and turned up way too loud listening to the soundtrack to GLEE and I just got some wicked chills - these are like, the BEST CDs EVER! Okay, sidenote over. Okay, not over - I'm having a wicked-difficult time not busting out singing....HELP!)

SO....here's how my "sugar fasts" work - I just...STOP. I don't eat it. EXCEPT "big" events which are to be celebrated with the addition of sweet food at my discretion, but usually should ONLY include birthdays...and Christmas, but that's a good ways off at this point. Now, I recognize that sugar is EVERYWHERE and in SO many things and there are natural sugars in fruits and vegetables and blah blah blah.... I'm not NEARLY that crazy with this - I just won't eat like, DESSERT type sugar. Or candy. Or THAT kind of stuff, okay?? Raisins and dried fruit, apple sauce and regular fruit and whatever is totally allowed. Candy, ice cream, icing, cookies, fruit-snacks, baked goods, whatever - totally NOT allowed. Juice? Pop? ABSOLUTELY not allowed!! (shudder - haven't learned about it yet?? CLICK HERE or contact me and you'll never give your kid apple juice again!)

Okay, is that it? I think that's it for now. Let me know if you have questions about my...not eating stuff. hahaha I can totally eat anything else - I don't often have the same PROBLEMS with other food. SOMETIMES I'll go for a total binge on something if I absolutely LOVE it, but it's more a wow-this-is-so-good-I-don't-WANT-to-stop-eating-it-even-though-my-belly-is-killing-me (happens with some of my mom's cooking and a few of my signature pasta dishes - mmmmmmmm......) but I'm still in CONTROL then soooo not as worrisome. And if I need to re-evaluate later and expand the scope of my plan then I absolutely will. At the moment I'm back to regular running and doing 300. Keep your fingers crossed life stays more or less normal so we don't run into any further scheduling complications and I can keep THAT aspect of stuff on track.

Aaaaaaaand...what else?? OH! Any of you who pray?? PLEASE put Mr. Man in your prayers! He's doing FINE, but he has a job interview this week for HIS DREAM JOB which I am just WAY too excited about - he currently commutes about 1.5 hours from home.... this one would literally be a 10-20 minute WALK from home (depending on if there's snow on the ground! hahaha) and, well, it's what he dreams of doing.... sooooooo.......... yeah. I'm trying REALLY REALLY hard not to put the cart before the horse, but him getting this job would just be, unreal. Amazing. AMAZING. Anything that will give him a leg up, including random folks' prayers, I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it.

I don't want to tell you all about the job unless he gets it - seems a bit of a bother, frankly. hahaha And that's cart-before-horse type behaviour soooo if he gets it I'll tell you about it.

Cross your fingers for us!!!

I'm done for today. (Thank goodness, eh??) I'm going to eat my sandwich and go get changed for my next lab, and then a run with Steph. Good day so far. :)