Disorganized

If you've ever been to my house you know that as a family we are totally disorganized.  We're all over the place.

I was a slobby kid, for sure. Mom used to have to really coerce me to clean my room, and it always took me FOREVER.  I've just never been good at seeing the mess, seeing each item's home, and putting them all away.

Except when I lived in Utah for a while.  I dunno.  Maybe because I was SUPPOSED to be studying at school?  But I cleaned all my and my roomates' dishes and tidied the kitchen like, daily, and YES my room would be a disaster, but I would self-motivate and clean it SPOTless before I could sit down and focus on my homework.  That room of mine would glisten.

No mommy to make me do it, either!

....I kinda' flunked out, though.....

Yup, balance is one of my super-strong points.  oy

I don't know remember when in our married life it became a problem.  I feel like we've been having the same issue, fight, conversation, whatever, since the day we got married, but looking back there must have been a START, you know? One of us was the first to not put something away and then the other would have followed suit until the craziness that is us fully reared its ugly ugly ugly head.  And we can sit and talk and strategize until we're both blue in the face - me from talking and Mr. Man from holding his breath waiting for me to STOP talking? KIDDING - but we never get on top of it.

It's really really disheartening.

I KNOW it's a clutter problem. There's just TOO MUCH STUFF.

But after a several-hundred-dollar-costing pick up from the junk company of a ginormous pile of stuff we threw into the backyard, it didn't get better.  Like, the day after the pick up you couldn't tell we'd gotten rid of anything.

Regular piles of donations and trips to Goodwill doesn't cut it down.

Most recently we donated 7 garbage bags PLUS to Canadian Diabetes Association in their neighbourhood pickup.

Not even a dent in the problem.

Which I find REALLY REALLY disheartening, because we don't bring a lot INto the house - we can't afford it!  hahaha  We're not out constantly adding to our collection because we haven't any money with which to do so, so when we oust something that should be that, right?

Which means we're REALLY just super-dee-duper slovenly.

And it's not a habit I know how to break.

And it SUCKS because this is my JOB. I'm the MOM, currently a stay-at-home Mom, soooooo my job description includes all this everything-in-the-house.  Not going to lie, housekeeping has never ever ever ever eeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvver been my dream job.  Ever.  And I'm terrible at it.

Livingroom

Front entrance, closet side

Front entrance, window-side. Pretty sure that green thing is mostly full of literal garbage.  AND there's crap piled in the window-sill.

Livingroom from entrance. Children's place bag full of hand-me-downs I have to sort through (I love hand-me-downs, except all the additional work they mean).

Sit at your own risk!

At least there's more than a pathway of floor, but man does it need to be de-crumbed. View from livingroom to diningroom.

Every single surface in my house looks like this.

Top of the piano.

That painting of Little Miss' on the left is the top sheet of a pile of papers including umpteen paintings of hers, epicure ordering information, and sheet music. The file on the right is the file about our bathroom renovation.

Surfaces, nooks, crannies.... can't get in to de-dust-bunny 'cause of all the stuff, wires, etc.

This is where I'm currently sitting.  I tried to clear it the other day but got in trouble for un-organizing the organized mess of bills..... we lose stuff here daily.

Hide it behind the curtain in the windosill.  You CAN see these piles from outside. There's a laptop in one corner that was diagnosed DOA probably close to a year ago.

The view to the kitchen from the diningroom.  Don't you just itch to eat food from here?

And here?

The view of the playroom from the kitchen.

The playroom looks like this after Little Miss & the daycare kiddies from last week decided to dump all the toys from the giant bin we keep in there - the bin is better to use as a car, bathtub, boat, hiding place, etc etc than a place to store toys - aaaaand Little Miss went on a paper-cutting frenzy, sitting in the playroom with her scissors chopping up everythnig in sight.  Great for fine-motor-skill development, not so great for cleanliness.

One side of Little Miss' bedroom.

The other side. Stickers falling off the wall (any suggestions for how to get those things to STAY ON? They're SO CUTE but becoming the bane of my home's decor) aaaaand an explosion of the in-the-bedroom toy bin onto the end of the unmade bed. Apparently there was a party after lights-out last night.

With the bathroom reno finished we've been working, for weeks now, on the paint job. So the bathroom extras reside in the hall.  Tight space to fit through to get to our room.

Bagged and boxed bathroom stuff waiting for me to finally finish painting.

The unfinished bathroom paint job. It WILL look amazing when I finally get it finished, I've decided, but oy it's a lot of work.

Our hoarders-esque bedroom. Note you can't see the tops of dressers, the shelf on the wall over there that's been in a need-to-move-that spot for about a year - I have a scar on my shoulder from running into it getting into bed.

So before you freak on me and go all-clean-the-dang-house-why-are-you-BLOGGING, hear me out.  I will clean it today.  I've already supervised Little Miss cleaning up her playroom (there IS a floor under all that, all the toys are back in the bin, the paper pieces are in the garbage, the puzzles back on the shelf....), run the dishwasher, put away some of the clean dishes that were out from a party we went to on the weekend.... I will get it to a tolerable state today.  At least, parts of it. The livingroom, diningroom...hopefully I'll get a few more stripes painted in the bathroom tonight after Little Miss goes to bed.

But I have been trying my darndest since I graduated last year and being a mom became my full-time employ to get on top  of this house.  And I can't.  I. Can't. Do. It. 

I don't know WHY.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I don't know why I work so hard and clean and tidy and organize and get on top of one room and every single other corner of the house has become uninhabitable (don't even get me STARTED on our basement, which I did NOT go on a photo-frenzy with).  And YES I know it doesn't have to be perfect - mess means lived in and sometimes indicates a healthy prioritized household, but come on. Did you SEE the pictures?? There's a line, and we're WAY WAY WAY over it. And this is the more-normal-than-not state of our house.

I couldn't even hire a maid to come in and clean and help me because there are no friggin surfaces to be found for all the piles of crap everywhere! 

So I'll work at it today. I'll find the counters in the kitchen and get the dishes put away. But I won't get the stickers back up on the wall in Little Miss' room or clear the floor in our bedroom.  Again.  I'll tidy and dust around the tv and in the livingroom, but I'll never find a 'home' for the stinkin' nuts and bolts sitting on the end table by the couch that held Little Miss' old toddler bed together.  And maybe I'll tidy the computer desk, and then none of our bills will get paid because I'll have totally knackered the piles. 

The only thing I know for sure about my house is that I am absolutely 100% incapable of fixing this by myself, but have no alternative.  It's discouraging to know that forever and always you are destined to spend your life spinning your wheels getting nowhere.

Back to the useless grind I go!

Snooze

(from: http://365daystoahealthierme.wordpress.com/2010/12/29/i-cant-sleep/)

Back to 6am wake ups. groan

I know that 6 REALLY isn't that early and that there are lots of crazy-demented-overachievers people who DO routinely get up at 6 without any problems or headaches.....

....but man oh man, I am NOT one of them.

Mr. Man and I have been having a hard time adjusting to daylight savings time, actually, the last week.  Our nightly routine instead of landing us in bed around 11 or midnight just continued as normal, except the clock changed, so we've been landing in bed around midnight or 1 all week.  I know, I know.  GENIUS move.

So we've been a little bit fatigued this week.  Totally self-inflicted, that's fine, but there it is.

So yesterday, knowing that I had a 6am wake-up today (which my ill-adjusted body still thinks is 5am) I planned to just hunker down for the afternoon, get through the day AWAKE, and get to bed by 9. Because I was so tired I knew I could fall asleep quickly and figured an extra hour or so at night would be just fantabulous to helping me adjust and recover from the week of stupidity. 

I made it nap-free 'till about 4:30.  Then, I just DIED.

I didn't even sleep a full hour! It was one of the shorter naps I've ever laid down for AND interrupted with a phone call....

....so why the HECK did it take me over three hours to fall asleep when I went to bed last night??  I did NOT nap long enough to make up for previous zombie state, and USUALLY when I go to bed, that's it! I'm down, I'm out and I SLEEEEEEEEEEP!  (Have I mentioned lately that sleeping is one of my most favourite things to do? It's just, such a TREAT to sleep snuggly, comfortably, uninterupted-ly, deeply...mmmmmmmmmmm......... visions of pillows and blankets wrapping around me in my head.....)

Yeah. Couldn't sleep.

So now, at 7:09am, after having been up for over an hour, with a lovely daycare child playing happily in the playroom.... I WANT MY BED!!  I am so TIRED!  My head feels swollen - you know that not-quite-a-headache uncomfortable feeling? I have THAT - my eyes have that ever-so-slightly burning, NOT refreshed feeling to them.... and I've been up for over an hour AND IT'S STILL DARK OUTSIDE! 

That is just wrong.

I tried counting sheep last night.  It went something like this:


Okay, count sheep.  That will focus you on something so menial your mind won't wander.  Okay, great.  One, two.... wait, is that a sheep or just a white blob?  Okay, PICTURE a sheep.  What does a sheep look like. Yeah, that's a silly animated-looking one.  What about the sheep at the petting zoo.  Okay.  But that sheep doesn't look like a jumper, I can't picture it jumping a fence.  Why the heck when we count sheep are they jumping fences anyway? That's stupid. I should just count them grazing grass.  Okay, a bunch of sheep.  One, two, three, wait, did I count that one? How do shepherds DO this? They all look the same....

(from: http://mychinaconnection.com/english-slang/counting-sheep/)

Yeah, it was one of my more brilliant internal dialogues.

So I will stumble through yet another day, longing for bedtime.  Hopefully I will be able to discipline myself this evening and GO TO BED at a decent hour and then, without resorting to the apparently ridiculous task of counting leaping lambs fall asleep, ready for TOMORROW'S pre-dawn hours. 

YAWN

I know. I suck. ;)

I'm not going to lie, I missssssss blogging. But I just don't have anything interesting to say lately! hahaha Well, assuming anything I had to say ever was interesting in the first place - I've heard bloggers accused of being very egocentric thinking that anyone would give a crap to stop by and read whatever doldrums come rambling out through their fingers that day.... (shrug) Whatever.

I've had some GREAT run-ins with baby-making/planning questions lately, which have been a blast, but as that topic apparently offends some I feel I can't write about it. Though I will say that I was recently told that the longer a woman waits between children the lazier, and consequentially worse and worse a mother, she becomes. Followed up a week later by someone doing a water evaluation in my home asking me if we're planning on having another one anytime soon. Yeah. The water evaluation guy. 'Cause you know, we're tight like that. (rolling eyes)

What else can I tell you?

I was in a fairly crippling funk the better part of last year, I'm not going to lie. Made for some pretty interesting goings on over here AAAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnddddd all the weight I lost and then some has come RACING back on. Which I think I may have said at some point - who knows? My blogging has been nothing if not sporadic the last year or so. Anyway, I put on so much weight that a couple of months ago I actually got into an argument at church, with a lovely busy-body who, by the way thinks Little Miss is small because she doesn't get enough exercise - if she's getting enough exercise then she'll sleep well at night and she'll grow when she's sleeping, so the fact she's petite OBVIOUSLY proves she's not getting enough exercise (rolling eyes. Again) - in a choir practice I was directing. In front of actually, like, our full choir that day. It rarely happens, but we finally have a good crowd and she up and says "are you pregnant?"

"No."

"No, you are. You're pregnant."

"No, I'm really not."

"No, Little Miss needs a sibling. I know. You're pregnant."

"I assure you I'm NOT pregnant."

"I'm sure you're pregnant."

"I'm NOT pregnant. I've put on about 20 or more pounds in the last few months. Thank you for noticing and pointing it out to everyone."

"No, you're pregnant."

"I am not pregnant. I keep peeing on the sticks and they keep saying 'no' so I'm pretty sure, I just got really fat."

"I'm sure you're pregnant."

I promise it went down just like that. Just like in the movies when a KID asks a fat lady when the baby is due, but it wasn't a kid, and she wouldn't DROP it!

So...that, and my MOM admitting how fluffy I'd gotten.... yeah, it got pretty out of hand.

It happens to me sometimes. I just get out of my groove and lose control. I hardly EVER have control of my eating habits, but I'm fairly good at staying on top of the exercise. It's a pain, now, 'cause I'm much better, and back to it - I've been exercising/running frequently probably for at least a couple of months, now - but I have SO MUCH WORK to do to get back to where I'd already worked so hard to get! hahaha And it's not even 'yo-yo' dieting, just.....yo-yo funkifying? Anyway, whatever. I'm a work in progress, what can I say?

Aaaaaaaaand, now that I'm boring ME I'm going to call it quits for the day (week? month? months? WHO knows?) aaaaaaand see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get outta' bed again in the morning and fit a 5K in before Mr. Man heads off to work. I like that schedule.

Cheers!

Remember when....

Hey, it's me! 

Remember way back when in August I said I'd be back to blogging?

Remember when I used to use this blog to confess my I'm-a-kinesiologist-in-training-and-absolutely-know-better trespasses against my athletic physique?

Remember back in the spring, when I was practically SKINNY??

Remember when I qualified as a "runner"?

Remember when it didn't hurt to wear pants that don't belong to Mr. Man?

Remember when I used to fit a bra without that horrid my-boobs-are-too-big-for-this-but-I-apparently-like-to-look-like-a-hootchie-with-the-boob-bulge-over-this-line thing going on?  Because I had fantastically SMALL boobs????

Remember when I could do the 300 workout in under an hour, and found some definition under all my post-baby belly fat??

Remember when I used to love Yogilates??

Remember when I did the 30-day-challenge with some friends to test if we had any idea what we were talking about trying to help people with weightloss goals??

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have been itching to blog for...well, months, now.  But I've been WAY too embarrassed.  My CLOTHES do NOT fit, and I'm not even only talking about my fantastic, new-within-the-last-year-since-I-ACTUALLY-hit-the-impossible-Gap-8 clothes (which, by the way, are excruciatingly painful, if I can get them on at ALL...).  I saw my reflection the other day while cooking in my mom's kitchen for Thanksgiving - I'm HONESTLY starting to look like a fat girl - my thighs come so so soooooooo together WAY too early at what should be the top of my legs, but is really around my knees... it makes each movement look like one leg is going to have to go through the other in order to take a step forward.  I mean, I have giant, soccer-playing legs to begin with, but then there's all this...this.... GROSSSSSSSSSSSS around it and it's busting out of my pants.  And let's not even get INto my muffin top.  I mean, muffins?  PLEASE!  This is an entire CAKE busting out of not just the top of my pants (belt is like the cruelest word EVER right now - I fold over and cry in pain at the thought of attempting to cinch around this monstrosity).  And not only my pants, but my shirts, blouses....  If I'm not wearing a pair of my husband's baggy jeans and a sweatshirt I can guarantee you I am agonizingly uncomfortable, and super overly conscious of every jiggle, wiggle, waggle, and cellulite-loaded flapping-in-the-wind. 

I. Feel. Disgusting. 

My treadmill is STILL broken.  That thing has turned out to be the biggest joke on me, EVER.  And I KNOW the weather's actually PERFECT for running right now, because it's just cool enough without being biting, to keep a run a very comfortable affair.... but I'm so FAT and my running clothes, OBVIOUSLY are not MEANT to be worn by someone as chunky as me.  I feel like taking this thing out, dressed in THAT, is just cruelty to the world... and I can't seem to get myself past that mental hurdle and out on the street to go for a run.  I feel like I NEED my treadmill operational or I'm just going to keep expanding until I explode....which could be very soon because, SERIOUSLY, my clothes don't fit.  (Cautionary note: if you're hanging out with me any time soon, you MAY want to wear safety goggles to protect your eyes from sky-rocketing buttons flying from my overtaxed apparel...)

Please please, don't post that I'm silly, that I look great, and you don't know what I'm talking about.  YOU'RE silly if you can't see the difference between now and back when school ended and I was on top of things.  School ended, my routine got off, and it's just never gotten back on.  I'm NOT crazy.  I may slightly overstate the problem, but it is a problem.  When your mother will (grudgingly - she's still my mom! I'm always gorgeous to her) admit to you that your weight is ballooning you KNOW there's a problem. 
I can tell every morning when I open my drawers that there's a problem....

Though I know that I haven't been pregnant I was kinda' hoping that maybe by NOW I'd be pregnant and I could kind of excuse myself my holy-super-fatty transgressions and aim for slower-weight-gain pregnancy this time around.  BUT, of course, as in keeping with the year, I am NOT.  Big surprise there. 

So... I can keep wallowing in my expand-a-butt glory...which has honestly been going on for months.  And, really, may continue.  Or I can do something about it.  I hope I do something about it - I'm tired of feeling like this.  My brother's perfectly petite, dwarf-of-a-girlfriend came for Thanksgiving, ate reasonable amounts of food, and after her ONE splurge the entire weekend says "oh, I workout."  Well, congratulations, and hooray for you.  Even when I HAVE a really long, good go of on-the-wagon working out, I NEVER have and never WILL have the obvious success YOU have, so please, yes, rub that in my chipmunk-cheeked face again. 

You know what else is just ironic about the whole thing??  I'm currently growing my hair out.  hahaha  Okay, so I know I'm the only person on the planet who would ever find that funny, but last time I cut it short, before I got pregnant and had Little Miss, I always said I'd never ever grow it out long again unless I lost a tonne of weight and actually hit size 8.  Which I NEVER thought would be possible.  But I just think I look so extra CHUNKY with long hair, and I should keep it shorter unless my face was thin enough to pull it off....  Anyway, so I LOSE all the weight, do that silly play (remember when I was in a play?) and then decide life will be easier if my hair is longer NEXT year when we do the play again..... so I'm growing my hair out.  And I'm probably the fattest I've been in the last three years, barring immediately after giving birth.

Mom thinks my waist size is directly linked to my happiness level. 

I just think I need to figure out this stupid food problem.  I hate food. 

I need some popcorn.

Figures.

image from http://www.oursalvation.com/ralph_and_loretta/sick-in-bed.gif

So, of course. Right? I mean, of COURSE. I have homework piled UP TO HERE, my house needs tidying and cleaning, and, oh wait, it's opening night of the play on Friday.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick. Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhh......... And it's ALL in my throat. All of it. Which, of course, the best place to get hit with illness days before having to bust out the voice for solos on the very top of my comfortable range. Oh how I HATE to sing through a cold. It's SO hard and often impossible... it takes ALL the fun out of it.... aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

So, this really, is just a whining post. RaeDawn graciously took Little Miss off my hands for a couple of hours so here I lay, in bed....just....just PRAYING that this is unlike every single other cold/throat-type illness I've ever had and just...vanishes by Thursday afternoon so I'm 100% and back at it for dress rehearsal. THANK-YOU, my dear friend.

Alright. That's enough of that for today. BORING post, I know. I'm just....gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

Psychology works, right? Placebo effect? So...I'm laying in bed resting, which should help. So YUP, I'm better..... nope, didn't work. sigh Ouch. That hurt. :(

One of THOSE weeks

I think, cumulatively, over the last four nights I've gotten about 6-7 hours sleep. Maybe. And that, I honestly believe, is a generous estimate. Seriously, I'm sleeping less this week than I was when Little Miss was a newborn, I swear. 'Cause at least then she'd nap and I'd nap....I wouldn't get oodles of sleep at night, but gosh darn it I could sneak SOME sleep in SOME time. Not this week.

No, this week we've experienced a whole new ball game when it comes to parenthood. And let me tell you, I want out of this inning. I am SO tired and SO finished with the whining and the I want I want I want I want and the SCREAMING and the pushing and throwing....

My new two least favourite words: ear infection

Yes, finally, we got to the doctor today. Who took one look in poor also-hasn't-slept-in-three-nights Little Miss' one ear and said "yup, it's an ear infection," then looked in the other and said "wow, this side's even worse."

Okay, so I KNOW ear infections are relatively common ailments for children and we are NOT the first. And I think the fact we've got off not experiencing this lovely...um...state of affairs until she's 2+ years old is fantastic - I have often thought this and count it a blessing.

But let me tell you my latest discovery: ear infections are NOT blessings.

Usually if she can't sleep for a night or two because of a cold or something it almost guarantees us a REALLY REALLY REALLY good sleep the 'next' night because her poor little body is so desperate for the rest. THIS thing...two nights ago should have been our 'miracle' sleep-perfectly-and-soundly-and-catch-up night, and it just keeps getting worse.....

But I have to tell you about last night, which I really only think can be properly explained if I start on Monday.

Monday morning rolls around. We three are more or less awake at all varying unheard of hours of the morning with a fussy, upset, and obviously ill Little Miss. But I had class at 8 and another at noon so was planning to spend a good chunk of the day at school - professors don't really let you take a day off to tend your sick children like you can do in some workplaces, you know? Stupid school just keeps RIGHT on truckin'! So DEAR DEAR Mr. Man arranges to work from home on Monday so he can be home with el-sicko and I can get to my classes. Fine and dandy. BUT to do THAT he offered to switch his regular work-at-home day from Wednesday.

Which, actually, is a problem. Mr. Man's work is about 1.5 hours away, and he works from 10-6. He gets home around 7:30. Well, Wednesday I have class at 7. So...he works at home so we don't have to worry about me getting to class!

But don't worry, don't worry - he had it all figured out. He was switching work-at-home day from Wednesday to Monday and working at the office Wednesday from 9-5 instead of 10-6 so he'd be home by 6:30, in time for me to go to class. Fantastic!!

Monday went off without much of a hitch. Except we were a little fatigued from not sleeping much Sunday night.

Monday night, still no sleeping. I brought Little Miss to bed with us so I wouldn't have to get up every half hour when she started coughing and crying for me.

Tuesday, more tired. Mr. Man must have already been fighting something off because with the two nights of not sleeping he was a wreck Tuesday morning, so SICK DAY for him, and he and Little Miss curled up on the couch to watch movies while I ran around working and keeping up after my sick family.

Tuesday night, put Little Miss to bed. Went to bed AT 8:00. Watched some t.v. Turned out lights. Too tired to sleep for a while. Played bejeweled on my phone until start dozing off around 10. CUE SCREAMING 2-YEAR-OLD: MOMMY! MOMMY!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH it's like I'm DYING, MOMMY!!

And all the rest of Tuesday night. Literally, every single time I start to doze she starts to scream. Can't keep her in bed with us 'cause she's been kicking Mr. Man in the back and HE can't sleep and he's sick... ugh.

Wednesday, Mr. Man heads to work for 9. To leave at 5 so I can go to class. Little Miss visits the babysitter for a few hours in the afternoon for nap and so Mommy can go to class. Little Miss is so happy to be out of the house she seems to not remember how miserable she's been the rest of the week. Huh.

Wednesday night, 6:15. Little Miss is driving Mommy NUTS. And I KNOW she's sick and not feeling well but the CONSTANT CONSTANT unintelligible whining which I have zero-to-no patience for regularly then coupled with the incredible amounts of rest I've had this week...yeah, made for a happy Mommy.

Little Miss whines out a request for a bath. Mommy is only too happy to oblige to just about anything to shut that noise off for a few moments. Bath runs. Little Miss is happy and excited. Mommy is watching the clock, trying to get ready to go to school so when Little Miss is in bath and Daddy walks in the door Mommy can go to school. Little Miss pulls up the shower-tab in the tub while water is running. Mommy gets SOAKED. SOAKED. Mommy towels off, puts Little Miss in the tub, and calls Daddy to see if he's almost home because suddenly Mommy needs to blow-dry her hair (it was COLD last night!)

It's 6:24pm. The phone rings. "Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Man. Are you almost here because I have to blow dry my hair and change clothes and I can't leave her in the tub-"

"What? I'm in - uh oh. Ohmigosh."

"What? Where are you?"

"OHmigosh."

"You're not almost here?"

"I worked until 6."

(I'm sure I was a little shrill at this point) "WHAT?!"

"I forgot I was supposed to leave at 5. I worked until 6."

I don't even remember the rest of the conversation...I was a little bit furious at the time. (Don't worry, it didn't last long. I was pretty much over it by the time he got home. I mean, I had JUST had one of those days, too, you know?)

So fine. So I had to miss class. I e-mailed my bud in class to tell him what happened and beg for the night's notes (he agreed to bail me out, by the way - thanks a MILLION!) Once I got my head around it I was almost GLAD because in all the sick this week I hadn't had chance to really start the prep for my work-party I'm hosting at my place tomorrow night. Suddenly I'm looking at putting Little Miss to bed (she HAS to sleep tonight, right?) and having some extra 'free' time I hadn't expected.

So I put her down. And sit down to work.

And don't finish a single project before I'm back on Mommy duty. She didn't even sleep a straight HOUR!! And THEN, ohmigosh, I've NEVER seen anything like it. It was like she was posessed. She just screamed and screamed and screamed and SCREAMED. She wanted NOTHING to do with either of us but wouldn't go to sleep. She RAN out of her room around 10pm and dove into her "princess bed" (one of those fold-out mini couches) and lay there and screamed, whined, whimpered, and cried until about 11:20. If we touched her she screamed louder. If we talked to her she threw whatever she could get her hands on. If we tried to tuck her in she grabbed the blanket and threw it away, and screamed and screamed and screamed.

FINALLY I got her to calm down, and we lay down together on the (big) couch to watch "Up" (WHAT a great movie!) Then when she'd be calm for a bit we relocated her, us, and the movie to our room so maybe by being in bed she'd fall asleep (goodness knew I needed to!) Then finally it was time to turn the movie off (ummm...like, before we even STARTED it?? Who puts a movie on for their kid at 11:30 at night?!) and THEN for the next few hours she wouldn't settle down, whining that she wanted to watch "Up"!!

So I took her back to her room. It's BED time.

Same thing. Back and forth. Up and down. LOTS of screaming. I've NEVER seen her like this for a prolonged period of time - I mean, she'll scream at us good when she doesn't get her way, which is fine and dandy; she can scream until the cows come home then!! But THIS was just...seriously like she was possessed. And during the DAY I can't put her DOWN!!

Let me tell you, my new FAVOURITE word is ANTIBIOTICS!

Mr. Man was finishing off putting her down to bed when I started typing out my frustration...and she's not screaming yet. So fingers crossed night FIVE is our magic, miracle, please PLEASE PLEASE let her sleep so we can ALL catch up on our sleep, night.

Huh. I hear her now. May have wished that too soon.

Wish us luck, and if I'm snippy with you in the next few days...SORRY!!!

(OH, by the way...haven't exercised in....what feels like ages. Seriously, just been one of those weeks. ARGH! Is it over yet?!)

All by myself.

So, I'm in a rut today. Which is okay, I think. I've been waiting for the 'right time' to write about this.

The short version is that this morning while getting Little Miss and Mr. Man ready to leave the house I got an e-mail from a professor. It was sent to myself and my four other group members, "commenting" on our presentation last week. Which is FINE - seriously, bring on the feedback. If I don't know what or where I/we went wrong then I can't learn how or what to improve, right? I've learned tonnes in school from comments and suggestions in the margins of my papers and assignments.

This e-mail....wasn't so much comments as.....well, just MEAN. And I'm the only one in the group who was singled out. Apparently I AM THE WEAKEST LINK.

Now, my group members have done their best to quell my worries that this is in fact TRUE; they all deny vehemently I presented poorly and one goes so far as to accuse the prof. of "picking" on me. Which, honestly, I wouldn't put past him.

But none of this is the point. I'm done talking about this today. I can't talk about it anymore. I'm tired of trying to find the CONSTRUCTIVE in the criticism I received. The longer I think about and work on it the more torqued up I get and feel.

So fine. Big deal. I'm having a bad day. It happens. Who cares?

Well, THAT'S my problem.

And I KNOW I'm going to get messages in the comments section and on Facebook in response to this, but I don't have any friends.

None.

I have buds and pals and people who I think like me who I like. I even have people I think are friends who turn out not so much to be, and there are SOME people I wish were my friends. Or a few who were once friends who....moved on and left me behind.

Think of it this way: who do you call when you're feeling trodden underfoot? Like you'd rather die than be alone? Like the last thing on Earth you can do is go home and face your two-year-old? When you're so torqued up about something your heart is literally racing, your limbs won't stop bouncing, your fingers are constantly tapping, and the word dinner almost reduces you to tears?? Don't you have someone?

Even if you don't have someone else....do you have your significant other??

I have no one. Mr. Man doesn't even get home until 7:30, on a good night. By that time I need to be deep into my next assignment, putting Little Miss to bed.... if we take time to connect and him help me through my funk I can't get my homework done. Or if I do...I'll be up all night. Again.

When I think who to call.....I draw a blank. No one.

And then I put it back on me. Who would call me??

No one.

There are probably a good number of people for whom I would move the heavens and Earth if I could. But none of them would call me. I'm no one's best friend and I don't have a best friend.

My current 'best friend' at school is too busy text messaging his rotating female companions, whining about TAs, and hollering "how YOU doin'?" to half the university's female population. Which, honestly, is fine BECAUSE he's a he.

I need a girl friend.

So. Here's your chance to apply. I know, I know - don't all jump through your screens at once.

APPLICATION TO BE RED'S GO-TO GAL FOR DAYS WHEN HER PROFESSORS ARE ASSES, HER HUSBAND IS WORKING, HER SPAWN IS TWO, AND SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S DROWNING IN THE SEA OF LIFE

REQUIREMENTS
- must be female (otherwise you're not a GIRL friend - though I've always gotten along with the guys better - is THAT my problem??)
- must give a damn
- must give AND take - please no more take-take-take-ers. I've got nothing left for you people. I have one word for you people and I don't want to use it because I've already written two I'm sure will startle some of my readers. (Sorry)
- must NOT already/currently HAVE a "best friend" or use the term to describe someone else - it's horrendously difficult to have one's best friend's best friend be someone else. Relationship MUST be fully and completely reciprocal. Or it won't work.
- must NOT be my mother (I love you Mom!!! Thanks for being my one-and-only always-constant best friend!! I wish you were here today!)
- must have DESIRE to just hang out and play with me on occasion, outside of either of our residences. Child-free.
- must not be an idiot. Now, this is OBVIOUSLY subjective - my prof. thinks I'M an idiot, sooo....idiots, apply at your own risk.
- must NOT be high-maintenance - must be able to be satisfied with a best friend (me) who's also a mom, wife, 4th year student, business owner, daughter, sister, runner, choir director, pianist, secretary, and may have some other acquaintances that need help and/or assistance at times, while also being willing to work on the friendship to ensure it is and stays BEST.
- must be encouraging when needed
- must be ready, willing, and able to tell me when I'M an idiot, without making me want to slap you. Which I'd never do, but I'd for sure want to. Don't pussy-foot around me.
- must be someone I enjoy! (You know sometimes you like someone but they're just trying to be around for some reason? Like, you're just not....the same enough or something? There's a WEIRD lull in the conversation or your head hurts when they leave from over or understimulation....)

NO high-maintenance individuals, please. Common interests are a plus but are not a requirement. No previous experience required.

Please submit your application in writing via the comments link. ('Anonymous' comments are welcomed, but without some sort of identifier I won't know who you are, which is fine unless you're the successful candidate).

Applications will be accepted until....forever. Please, someone, be my friend.

Anything else? Please, just pile it on.

Optimus Prime is broken.

The End of the War, Week of 27, and phbthhhh.....

So you may recall about a month ago I posted that I had joined a 'weightloss war' with some friends on Facebook. I would FINALLY like to report the END of the war, and though I did not WIN, I was THIS CLOSE! hahaha I lost 4.1% of my starting weight and the winner lost 4.38% - it was REALLY close. We divulged our actual numbers to each other later - I lost by .7 of a pound. Seriously - if I'd eaten a LITTLE less for dinner the night before the weigh-in I may have won. (Which, of course, takes us RIGHT back to my loathing of WEIGHT as a measure for....'health' or 'body-good-looking-ness' or whatever the heck it is we're all trying to accomplish - a little of column A, a little of column B?) ANYWAY, I am happy with my results - I lost 7.1lbs during the war.

So THEN it was my birthday. Well, actually, the day before the war ended was my birthday. But my birthday was mostly spent at school (UGH!) soooo....didn't really celebrate anything.

Okay, so let me just tell you a little about me and a little about how I feel about birthdays.

I am RIDICULOUS about my birthday. I think everyone should be. Birthdays are AWESOME. It's YOUR day. JUST you. Like, any other day of the year you get to celebrate or whatever, you SHARE with someone, or half the planet - I share my anniversary with Mr. Man; Christmas, while fun, is REALLY about God and EVERYONE gets a piece; Valentine's day, every couple on the planet; Mother's Day, I get a present and give a few presents. My BIRTHDAY?? I am the ONLY one that anyone in my immediate circle is or has any reason to celebrate on that particular calendar day. I LOVE my birthday. I FREAK OUT for my birthday. Birthdays are the coolest thing.

Now, I have a couple things about this year's birthday I need to talk about. Actually, a few. Facebook & my repentance, how much I loathe growing up, and my awesome Mr. Man.

Facebook
I don't know when or why it happened, but I fell ridiculously out of love with Facebook's who's-birthday-is-it-today list (ever notice how much bigger your September lists are than every other month of the year?? HELLO HOLIDAYS!!). I think it just started bugging me - some people I don't need facebook to remind me it's their birthday and then I'd go to post something fantabulous on their walls and oh, wait, I'm like the eighty-thousandth person to do so and it's RUINED, while OTHER people I DON'T know their birthday's without facebook and so never felt right about leaving a 'happy birthday' because I felt it was taking credit for remembering their birthday which I absolutely did NOT do. (How was THAT for a run-on sentence? Eh? I TOLD you I'm good at those suckers!!)

I have repented. Oh facebook birthday-lister, I will never think negatively of you again.

I spent most of my birthday (literally) at school....which sucked. EXCEPT that while I sat in class my e-mail kept popping up....Freddy has posted something on your wall...Suzy has posted something on your wall....Joe-Blow has posted something on your wall.....

I have NEVER felt so darned POPULAR in my LIFE! hahahaha And I KNOW it's ridiculous - loads of the happy-birthdays were from people who have not contacted me (nor I them) since LAST year on my birthday, but STILL!! I couldn't HELP but GRIN at the absolutely insane number of Happy-Birthday wall posts, messages, etc. that I got. It was TOO much fun.

I will from now and forever more be a Happy-Birthday wall poster. LOVED it. To those who I missed...my sincerest apologies. I have seen the light.

Growing Up
Growing up SUCKS. That's it. It SUCKS. And I'm not even all that grown-up; I'm still in SCHOOL for goodness' sake!! This year I felt like I had the world's most boring uneventful GAH-this-can't-really-be-IT birthday, spending the ENTIRE DAY at school, without my family, my Little Miss... And I even managed, ACCIDENTALLY to ruin the FANTASTIC GIFT that Mr. Man got me (more on that later - this will be the longest blog post EVER when/if I ever finish it....) by stumbling upon it in the glove-box of his car looking for our 407 transponder.... siiiiiiiiiiigh

And I DO NOT mean to sound ungrateful, AT ALL. And I'm really really trying hard NOT to be, though I may be failing slightly....and of COURSE it's my own fault because I'm the one who makes such a big stinkin' deal about my birthday. But MAN!! I spent 7.5 hours at school, my mom had knee surgery the day before, Mr. Man was at work, Little Miss was at daycare, my brother didn't call me, my dad went golfing..... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

And because it was such a busy week we planned to celebrate my birthday on Saturday with my parents and brother, EVEN THOUGH Little Miss and I went up to help around the house on Wednesday after Mom's surgery.

(May I interject, that BECAUSE she knew I was going to have a busy day a girfriend of mine came over to my house before I got home and made my requested dinner for me so that Little Miss and I could eat something DECENT and DELICIOUS instead of instant for a change - it was SUCH a treat and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!)

Well, SATURDAY! It's like the fact I was BORN 27 years ago was the BIGGEST imposition I could have EVER put on those men (Dad & brother, NOT Mr. Man - though he did fight over a poopy diaper with me that eventually my just-had-knee-surgery Mom finally changed...hahaha). Mom and I were having a merry old time pretending it was my birthday and then the repeated chorus of it's-not-your-birthday-it-was-on-Tuesday over and over and over..... LIGHTEN UP and have some FUN people! Boy oh boy, talk about making a girl feel loved.

I did enjoy myself, overall, and am THRILLED with my new cookie sheets (even though I'm back off sugar - HA!) and new clothes (plus a new version of Trivial Pursuit from my MIL that came on Sunday - looks like fun!) but this will definitely NOT be remembered among the best-birthdays-ever filed away, and I definitely had my feelings hurt numerous times. C'est la vie, I guess. And = hating growing up.

Best. Husband. Ever.
So, you may remember me posting my friend's blog and website a while back with a picture of a BEAUTIFUL bracelet she made. Well, in ADDITION to the awesome new netbook Mr. Man bought me late-summer in prep for my last year at school AND as a birthday present, he got me my bracelet. And I LOVE it. I was worried I'd feel I couldn't pull it off or whatever, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I wear it every day. It's SO much prettier in person and ON and I LOVE it.

AND Mr. Man is so cool and he knew I'd have a busy "grown-up" day on my birthday so we stayed up 'till 12 the night before so I could open my present. (WHICH I had found in his car, by accident, but it was inside a box, so I KNEW he'd bought me SOMETHING from ACJD but I didn't know WHAT - whoops!!).

Okay, that's enough of that ridiculously hodge-podged ;oa\ofhn\;frihna;efrij-ness! I wonder how many people read all the way to the end.... ;) TROOPERS if you did!!

Somebody throw me a lifeline....

I know, I know. Another posting hiatus. One that missed two weigh-ins, a vacation report, aaaaaand...well Little Miss' birthday JUST happened, so I can still blog about THAT! hahaha

The beginning of September is always a little bit very insane in this house. Partly the start of a new year at school (TOMORROW - EEK!), partly from Little Miss' birthday (I mean, two years ago I was actually in LABOUR at the beginning of the month - that's some intense goings on, there!). Partly, now, because of the launch of the lastest Idea Book catalogue for my business.

Times like these, the blog goes by the wayside. Sorry, folks. As much as I absolutely love it in this little virtual world of mine, updates are not a priority.

THAT said, my running's been going great - we've managed to make it fit/squeeze it in even with all the insanity. Admittedly some days I do better than others - my body just doesn't CARE to run some days, but I'll limp out 5-8K anyway.

Today is my last day of 'summer' before school starts tomorrow. School. Tomorrow. 4th year - finally.

I'm heartbroken to be going back and leaving Little Miss for so much of the days. She absolutely ADORES her daycare - she literally gets passed over the fence to our back-door neighbour who runs a FANTABULOUS home-daycare - so she'll be thrilled tomorrow, but I'm going to spend the day in classes learning about how my professors are going to try to kill me teach me this semester wishing I was at daycare with her having her birthday party.

And this semester is going to be HARD. OH. MI. GAWSH. I've spent part of my day reading through the course outlines posted online - seriously, if I get through this semester I'll for CERTAIN have earned that degree next spring.

And I'm just sluggish today. Last evening I came down with a sore throat which has just as mysteriously disappeared as it arrived, but today I'm just itching to crawl back into bed. Little Miss of course, after a long few days of partying hardy for her second birthday, is absolutely EXHAUSTED and, of course, refused to nap, which means I can't nap. I was COUNTING on that today! She's mean....

This is DEFINITELY a whining post - today has been pretty good, and we've had a great summer. Currently my kiddo is parked on my lap and 'we' are watching "Shrek 2" and, really, what could be better than snuggling my Little Miss??

"How's my favourite flea-bag?"

I know you've all been just DYING to hear about the invasion of the blood-suckers going on in my home since I mentioned it the other day.



I hate fleas.

I had no idea how much I hate fleas.

Mr. Man was working at home on Monday and we'd made a list of things to do including stopping by the pet store to pick up a couple of flea collars for Toad and Fox (our cats - their names are a whole different story but they are NOT named after other species of animals I SWEAR! Not on purpose...really.....) BECAUSE I'd seen a flea or two hopping around the house.

Oh the naivete that was me. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

We headed out for our errands. It was kind of fun to be all together during the morning running errands as a family! Mr. Man opted for the pet store first - why make poor Little Miss wait that extra time to go scare look at the animals??

Entering the store we were greeted friendly-like and off to see the pets we headed! Little Miss was in her glory and I left her with Mr. Man to go look for flea collars. Which I couldn't find. So I asked our friendly greeter, who took me AWAY from the collar area over to the fleas-are-evil-here's-how-to-kill-them area. Oy. A little overwhelming for someone who's only seen a couple of fleas, right?

THANK GOODNESS I'm a chatty person. THANK GOODNESS. I can't imagine I may have just wandered in, grabbed a couple of collars, and wandered out.

Explaining about our two darling outdoor cats and I wanted flea collars I mentioned that I HAD seen a couple of fleas in the house. And her eyes WIDENED as a look of shock and horror flashed across her face. "If you've SEEN them, then there are a lot more than just two."

WHAT?!?!?!?!

So then, the world's greatest sales person proceeded to wander me through the ins-and-outs of the fleas-are-evil-here's-how-to-kill-them section and recommend different holy-crap-your-house-has-been-completely-overrun products. And we eventually left, after spending way too much money (I HATE FLEAS) feeling a little extra itchy and a little overly disgusted.

AND I finally understood why I have all these bug bites ALL OVER MY LEGS - I thought it was WEIRD I was getting so many at soccer each week, and they were weird for mosquito bites, but seriously? I'm an IDIOT, apparently. I am COVERED, head-to-toe in flea bites and had NO CLUE.

I feel I need to interject and explain my ridiculous SMRT-behaviour with the outdoor cats and the flea bites and just the whole thing - I've had cats for ages, but I've NEVER, until last year, had outdoor cats. And I've NEVER dealt with fleas in the house. My mom told me that she did once when we were really little but I definitely have no recollection of that. ALSO the WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD is FULL of outdoor cats, and none of them wear flea collars! I thought it was WEIRD but then thought, gee, maybe we don't have fleas, or at least not too BAD, in this area. I've HEARD my neighbours talking about flea-collar-less-and-flea-free animals at length!! Why would these magic rules not apply to ME and MY cats, too?? COME ON!

Okay, okay. I'm an idiot. Just, accept that and move on.

SO...... I came home and got started. I vacuumed Little Miss's room to suck up what fleas I could and rattle the eggs so they open so the poison gets inside to kill the nasty little things. I stripped the bed, sprayed the carpet, the mattress, stuffed the comforter, pillow, and blankets in the dryer on high heat, washed everything, DRYed everything.... I did our bed next (I've been SLEEPING with these things for who knows HOW long?!?! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I grabbed all our pillows from the bed, couches, etc., and stuffed them into the big freezer downstairs (actually, I think there's still some down there...) to freeze them to death (muahaha!! NO mercy!) I vacuumed and cleaned and sprayed...our house is a whopping 950 square feet and I've gone through two-and-a-half cans of spray that are supposed to do 1000 square feet each....the curtains, the couches, the carpets, the baseboards.... I took the bathmat out of the bathroom to put it through the laundry (and drown/cook them to death - DIE fleas DIE!) - ohmigosh I couldn't BELIEVE how many fleas I found in my BATHROOM after I took their hiding place away!

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!

I plan to do the whole flea-ridding process again in a couple of weeks to ensure we got ALL the eggs, larvae, any remaining fleas (which, if I MISSED any by that time will have spawned literally hundreds of thousands of offspring - have I mentioned how much I LOATHE FLEAS? AURGH!) because this SUCKS.

And next year? Yeah. The cats are DEFINITELY getting that magic-keep-the-fleas-off-of-me shot at the VET in the spring to save me all this money and aggravation!!

On a GOOD note - all the flea-dealings have had me so flipped out and stressing I've done well with running this week! hahaha I NEED to run to work out the angst I feel every time I see a black piece of fluff on the floor.... ;)

We DO accept kill-the-fleas-at-Red's-house prayers by ALL means, or any anti-flea tribal dancing...whatever it is you do - HELP!

That's better!

THERE! Mr. Man finally had five minutes and fixed my title so it says "Confessions" again instead of "Confession." WOOHOO!! I'm liking this whole fancy layout thing. Makes me feel like I look like I know what I'm doing. HA!!

I'll probably write more about stuff later BUT wanted to let you know where I am and/or have been lately: my sister-in-law and family came down to visit on the weekend, helped with some of the finalization of the new kitchen stuff (HOORAY!! I LOVE it!!), hung out, tidied....all in all GREAT times. Little Miss LOVED having her cousins around to run and jump all over everything in the house....

So, we're finally feeling more or less on top of the house, and then.....the battle of the FLEAS!! (Yes, oh you wonderful people who just left from visiting overnight - we DO have fleas. SORRY we didn't know sooner, but you probably shared a bed with them. YAY!!) SOOOOOOOoooooooooo.......I've spent WAY too much time today vacuuming, spraying, crushing the little suckers under my fingernails, laundering and then DRYING (the heat kills them - hooray!) EVERYTHING.... with oh-so-much more to go. [sigh]

Does it ever feel to anyone else that if it's not something it's something else??? GAH!!

I love owning cats. I love owning cats. I love owning cats. I love owning cats....

At Rope's End?

In the past I've commented on my issues with keeping my house tidy & clean. And seriously, keeping on top of this super-tiny house of ours while going to school full time being a mom and a wife has literally reduced me to tears on numerous occasions. If the inside of my house looks good the outside is in such horrendous disrepair - we're the house bringing down the value of the neighbourhood. If I get the lawn mowed, the weeds weeded AND put in the green-bin, the toys "put away", the plants watered... then the inside resembles the aftermath of a nuclear war.

For MONTHS I have been vetting. GET IT OUT. I've probably gotten rid of enough to have made a fortune holding yard sales, but would have had no where to organize the things to sell so have just been bagging it and sending it to good will (which means it gets put in a bag where it resides in my front hall, added to until beyond overflowing, and then months later on one of those super-dee-duper productive Saturdays it finally makes the trek only to be replaced by the next bag). And honestly, with the whole yard sale thing, I'd love the 'extra' cash, but I just want it OUT of here.

So, recently, I got my living/dining room under control. It was fantastic. Mr. Man and I trekked off to Ikea to look at some storage solutions for Little Miss' toys, books, movies... all the stuff "she" keeps close-at-hand. We had some ideas when we headed to the store and came away SO SO SO thrilled with the result. I couldn't be more thrilled with how my living room has ended up and how easy it is to tidy up and subsequently CLEAN!! I dust and mop regularly in there now BECAUSE I CAN!!

Then we started looking, with Mom's suggestions and assistance, looking at ideas for how to permanently find the ever-so-tiny counter in my kitchen, and we came up with an idea that was fantastic but we weren't totally sure how to implement it. So, we got step one done, LOVED it, and Mom and I went back to acquire the necessary parts for operation-save-the-kitchen-step-two. WHICH I have to admit I was thrilled about and confused as to how we'd make it work, but above all DETERMINED!!

Mom and I found it. We found IT! We FOUND the answer!! Our step-two plans dramatically changed, we spent WAY more money than we meant to (but it was ON SALE, like 50% off!! And when things are that expensive - come on, it's Ikea; you know even the EXPENSIVE stuff isn't that bad! - you're saving OODLES!!!) and we lugged it all home. Home where I explained the new vision with Mr. Man. Who seemed totally on board.

So, the other day Mr. Man went to work, Little Miss went to daycare, and I got to work. I worked and built and lugged and hammered until my hands were quite literally raw and sore from over-utilization of the screwdriver - by the time Mr. Man got home from work I couldn't close my hand around the handle. My hand still hurts a bit though normal function has more-or-less returned.

We got one of the big items in, though it needs to be sanded and treated with oil before I can use it, still. And the other one.... in a fit of extreme exhaustion yesterday afternoon Mr. Man announced that he doesn't think it will work. We can't mount it (it goes on the wall) without risk of killing us all WHEN it falls down.... Basically I will forever have this hunk of furniture just sitting on the floor in front of the piano in the next room, never to be used. It is an impossible task.

I can't finish cleaning/organizing my kitchen without it as it's an integral part of the plan. With our current new implements I've run out of "away" places to put things and desperately need more. I'm an extraordinarily capable woman but I will admit my knowledge and skill-set for all things...like this do not extend past following the Ikea instructions. I do not volunteer to use a drill without supervision and I would have no idea how to even explain to the helpful staff at The Home Depot or wherever what the heck I'm trying to accomplish. I fear that if I spearhead the operation we really will need to fear for our lives waiting for my handiwork to come crashing down.

ALSO in our basement we've done tonnes of work. We acquired a FANTASTIC new shelving unit from the "as is" section of Ikea to replace these decrepit old hunks of junk full of more junk - Mr. Man and I set out the other night to put it together to I'd have the next day to sort and organize and find the floor in the basement so we can actually use it for more than just catching all the junk that makes it down the stairs. Except something went wrong and the last shelf doesn't line up and we can't finish the thing!! So that's been sitting downstairs unfinished for days now with a giant mountain of books that desperately needs sorting and putting-away so we can dig out the rest of Little Miss' toys and whatever else junk we have down there so we can get RID of it so there's room for Mr. Man's family to come visit and stay in a couple of weeks.....................................

Today was supposed to be spent finishing the kitchen. The "man" work of all that was supposed to be all done yesterday - I even lined up a couple of guys to come over and help Mr. Man hold it up on the wall (I CAN do that, but Little Miss gets in the way aaaaand it's EASIER to hold it steady if there's someone on either side) while he installed it. But he called and cancelled - just told them "we're not as far along as we planned." Which is a lie.

And so now, today....I don't know what to do. The house, as always, looks like a bomb went off in each of the rooms. I feel like I'm never going to win this battle. My parents were going to be on a mini-vacation near us and Dad was going to go golfing and Mom was going to come help me finish the kitchen, but then all hell broke loose and I don't even think they're really talking so I can't get them to come and help.

I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of unfinished good intentions.

The whole POINT of the summer was to take a break from school and get this stupid house in order so it'd be easier (NOT easy, but easiER) to keep in order NEXT school year so I can actually focus on my homework every now and then. So far....I have two workspaces completely covered in crap (I'm typing this on my lap), a kitchen I can't find for any extended length of time, a bedroom I can't vacuum for all the crap everywhere, a kiddo's room that gets torn apart every night after the door is shut on bedtime, an interpretation of Everest in my basement wedged between and around large currently useless hunks of furniture, and zero motivation to do anything about it.

Maybe if I adopt a more laissez-faire attitude someone will take pity and just do it all. OR someone will finally call child services on me and take my kid away from this squalid existence.

Maybe I'll go do a load of laundry - I think my soccer uniform is in the hamper from last week.

One of THOSE days

Oh, how I loathe 'nap' time.

It literally took me two hours to get Little Miss to go to sleep today. TWO HOURS! Who the heck HAS that kind of time to just throw away in the middle of the day?!?!

Here was the plan: put the TIRED, GROUCHY kiddo down for nap at 1:00 - the SAME time as every other day. The same time that she refuses to sleep for me at and dutifully lies down and falls asleep at for the Baby Whisperer at daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I do the EXACT routine prescribed by the Baby Whisperer (she's not REALLY a baby whisperer - she just looks after Little Miss when I'm in school and now on Tuesdays and Thursdays...otherwise the child would NEVER sleep....) because it works like a charm.

NOT!!

Step 1: determine child is exhausted from an interesting night of....sleeping....or something like sleeping, anyway.
Step 2: feed child lunch at lunch time.
Step 3: 1 hour(ish) later, after snuggling said tired, grouchy child, add blankie and turn on go-to-sleep music.
Step 4: continue to snuggle child for at least five minutes until child relaxes and is nice and calm.
Step 5: lay child down in crib with blankie pulled to cover eyes. Tuck in kiddo so she stays nice and warm and snuggly - the best to encourage sleeping.
Step 6: sit down beside crib and wait patiently for child to fall asleep. Leaving before sleep is achieved will prompt child to quickly STAND up, throw all blankies and snuggle-bears from the crib, including her suckie, and screaming will soon follow.
Step 7: WAIT.....for half an hour.........
Step 8: determine child is asleep. (I SWEAR she was)and QUIETLY and CAREFULLY sneak out of room, closing door behind you.
Step 9: prepare for desperately-needed yogilates practice.
Step 10: Wait...was that Little Miss I just heard?? No, it can't have been - she was sound asleep....
Step 11: finish yogilates preparations. Try to ignore the giggles and laughter and shouts of "MUM" coming from Little Miss' bedroom.
Step 12: complete the first 15-minute section of yogilates workout whilst attempting to tune out child's screams - she WILL go to sleep.
Step 13: maybe she's pooped her pants - better go check..... No poop. Return child to crib, return blankets and necessary bear and soother to sleeping positions. Child nods that it is indeed sleep-time.
Step 14: return to yogilates practice.
Step 15: try to ignore increasing decible of child's screams while maintaining inner focus in tree pose.
Step 16: wonder if child is going to choke on all that crying - she HAS to fall asleep soon!!
Step 17: return attention to inner peace and relaxation of yogilates pose...wait, what pose am I supposed to be doing right now??
Step 18: finish all the 'workout' poses and forget about the relaxation pose - how the heck am I supposed to focus on the skin melting off my face with screaming like that going on??
Step 19: turn off t.v. cover up yoga clothing, go save Little Miss from what is apparently certain death.
Step 20: snuggle your darling baby because you love her and she needs you....and then she falls asleep.
Step 21: wait.....for baby to wake up so you can go buy more diapers.........

And THAT is how it's done!!

At least tonight I get to play soccer. Thank goodness.

Day 2....

....did NOT go as expected BUT I got in the workout, and still in the A.M.

Today was just the 25-minute 5-factor, which is fine and dandy. I remember not really caring for Tuesdays when I did this BEFORE - Tuesday includes sigle-arm dumbell rows with each arm, so takes twice as long to do (at least it feels like it) and THEN for the core exercises you do trunk-lateral-flexion-extension with a dumbell which means you have to do IT on two sides too which takes twice as long again!!

Tuesdays 25 minutes may be slightly super-sized.... BUT still done.

Mr. Man's schedule goes back to 'normal' starting tomorrow again, which knackers my current workout plans. SO we'll see what happens...tomorrow's supposed to be a day off 5-factor but add-in a run. Someone check to see if I did it, will ya'??

Oy.

I love my life - I love my life - I love my life...

Theoretically I would love to be posting every day, or nearly every day. I do manage to run/exercise more often than I've been posting, but I almost feel as if, for now, I've conquered that and posting is pointless or almost like BRAGGING. So lately I've really only been focusing on accomplishments and whatever. Which I guess may be more braggy than not but...whoops. hahaha

AND I find I'm just EXHAUSTED all the time - I'm really not on board for this whole daylight savings thing - I'm sleep-deprived, have to get my own body to adjust to the time AND get an 18-month-old to adjust AND when her bedtime comes around it's going to be as bright as bright can BE in her room -really really conducive to schleepies, as they are known around our house. (Oh come on, we're allowed ONE 'baby-talk' word!!)

But even without DST I'm tired. I'm just TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED. I have too much to do and not enough steam so when it gets down to the things I enjoy doing, like this blog, I'm often done for the day and have nothing left to give to the world. Or my husband.

Anyway, not meant as a pity-party, today, I'm just oh-so BLAH about the whole thing. Weekends are SO busy I almost look forward to 8am class on Mondays to get back into a normal, slightly-less-hectic schedule. I mean, who DOES that?!?!

And, of course, I'm sick again. AGAIN. I sound like a man. Which would be fine and dandy if I were a man or even if my regular voice were mannish BUT to the best that I can tell when listening to myself I do NOT usually sound like this. It's like the sound is just stuck at a filter that's not letting anything through except raspy-mannish-ness. I guess it could be a good time to go for work at a 900 number....

Anyway, so that's what's going on. I'm working on it. At least in theory. If I can get my poor achy little head wrapped around it I hope to make the blog more interesting than just huzzah-I'm-amazing-and-can-run-forever and to do it more OFTEN, but for now, you get the more slightly-broken version of me.

Okay, so now you know.

OH yeah, and I think I've decided I'm addicted to food, so we're going to work on that. A LOT.

Ode to the scratchy throat

I found the camera, so I will post pictures of the Ottawa trip to PROVE that I was there. :) AND moving.

I have nothing interesting to say today, but it's been a couple days and I am honestly trying to be more diligent about the blog because I enjoy it so. BUT, as seems usual, I'm sick. So today, I did nothing.

Except madly finish a huge assignment for my exercise physiology class that I meant to polish off over the weekend BUT got hit with one of the busiest weekends EVER (sometimes I seriously wish I was just a STUDENT and not a student, mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt........I envy my classmates this. But only sometimes. I wouldn't trade Little Miss and Mr. Man for the world).

SATURDAY before I was completely derailed by this, whatever the new sickness is, I did get a run in on Optimus Prime. It was pretty good. I got tuckered out before my usual finish distance, so took a teeny walking break, and finished 5K doing intervals (they were good, HARD intervals, I PROMISE, Mi!! Mr. Man can vouch for me!)

Okay. Now I'm going to go take a bath and try to sweat this crap out of me so I can feel human ASAP.

The Time Crunch

Only taking a minute tonight - I started the day at 6:30 getting ready for an exercise prescription and functional fitness assessment 8am midterm, then stayed on campus studying for my 4pm kinesiology stats midterm with a break at 12:30 for sport psych AND finished the day off with exercise physiology from 5-6:30pm.

Yeah, today SUCKED. I worked longer and harder - OHmigosh. It's so much easier to put in a 12-hour workday, I find, than to put in 10.5 hours of SCHOOL, you know? Just...my HEAD hurts!! I can't THINK that much...gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

I should have broken it up with a run, but I was desperately in need of the time (I could focus BEFORE my brain fell apart) to study for the stats test as the oh-so-wonderful Little Miss who I oh-so-very-much adore would NOT sleep yesterday at nap time sooooo I missed my planned study time during the day yesterday, and couldn't get really into it while keeping an eye on her major-destruction activities in our living room.

I felt like hooey until I got to soccer tonight and started running around. BOY did that feel good. And with the exception of my newfound inability to directly pass the ball (what the heck happened to my foot's sense of direction?!) I feel like I PLAYED well. I love it when I play well. It's so much fun when I play well. We can be losing umpteen-thousand to none but if I'm playing well I DON'T care.

Moral of today's story? Play soccer after a crappy day.

OH yeah, and I did WiiFit myself yesterday morning - I don't remember the BMI result, don't want to calculate it myself 'cause I'm feeling quite lazy (did you just READ how insanely productive and taxing my day was already???)BUT the weight, after breakfast ;) was 166.7. WHICH is only .7 off my lowest-since-baby soooo we're doing something at least okay!! I'll check again pre-breakfast if I remember tomorrow as that's how the 166.0 was attained - gotta' keep control in the testing for the tests to be valid!! ;)

Taking a break

Remember that huge list of school stuff I have to survive?? Well, I'm working on the list today and DYING for a break, so here I am. To give you an update - previously I had two papers and three tests to write/prepare for and I NOW have one paper and three tests to write and prepare for. hahaha I am actually really pleased to have the one paper done and handed in and out of the way and HOPING that whoever marks it thinks I did as awesome a job as I think I did, but the to-live-through list is still OH so high!!

I've written like, 1.25 pages of my next paper, which is to be 4-5 pages long. I figure since I've mostly been writing it when I'm ready to hit my head against the wall after studying for sport psych or neuroanatomy too long that I'm making great progress. AND it's not due until Tuesday afternoon, so I'm chugging along great, there.

Tomorrow's tests...well, they are the two that will either make or break my academic career, I think. I HAVE HAVE HAVE HAVE to do EXTREMELY well on these tests, and i don't know if I'm going to pulli t off. I've been studying for HOURS cumulatively, so hopefully it pays off. And then I have a biomechanics midterm on Tuesday which I sadly haven't started studying for. Cross your fingers for me on that one.

BUT I haven't posted in the last couple of days about my activity levels, so surprisingly this post IS going to end up being on topic - and you thought I was just RAMBLING for no reason!!

FRIDAY
LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of studying/researching for paper.
60 minutes yogilates (by the end of the night I was completely burnt out - I was going insane from studying all day. Mr. Man was so good and let me chillax on the mat - aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............)

YESTERDAY
Ran on Mom & Dad's treadmill (came over so Mr. Man would have extra hands to help juggle Little Miss while I hole up and study like a mad woman - I CANNOT play mommy this weekend! GAH! I'm SO ready to be done school!!) and actually finished my 5K, which after this slack-infested week I was pleased with. Brings the total for the week to...16K. I ran four times and only did 16K. GEEZE!! Oh well. AND last night I did my 5K in 32:47 - real easy to count exact time on a machine that does the counting for you....

Just a warning, this may end up being a horrid week for my running as my best times to fit runs in are Mondays and Tuesdays, and have I told you yet what I have on tomorrow and Tuesday?? ;)

Okay, BACK to the grindstone!! And WISH ME LUCK!