Wait, What?

Holy cow! I only posted twice in April! Geeze, did THAT get away from me.

April had the last-minute rehearsals leading up to performances of the lovely lovely play, which took me more or less totally out of comission for two weeks, and of COURSE with that lovely stress level I succumbed to yet another illness (it's passed - let's put it behind us and move on!) which accounted for the better part of another week..... aaaaaaaaaaand believe it or not the CLEANING HAS BEGUN!  I've had two, um, "crews" come so far to help, and WHOA what a difference. And you know what? The areas we've done ARE STILL CLEAN AND ORGANIZED! I'm thrilled about this - usually when I clean a space, the next day, you'd never know I'd cleaned it. But Mr. Man and I are making extra special effort (read: nagging the bageezies out of each other) to put things away, hang up coats, throw it out if we're not using it, etc. It's AH-MAZE-ING.  And has been taking a bit of priority, not going to lie.

STILL TONNES AND TONNES OF WORK TO DO, but... five rooms done.  Huzzah!  (Will post pictures....later. hahaha)

No, today, besides being shocked when I saw how little I'd written in April - wait, what? - I needed to confess. I'm in SHOCK. I'm horrified and SO embarassed and just, disgusted with myself. AAaaaaand this is where I come to blab that kinda' stuff to the entire universe (what the heck is WRONG with we people who blog? I don't even know.... oy).

The last few months, in my sporadic posts, I've lamented about how horrendously I've let myself go this year and how sick of feeling fat and blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaah blah blllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh whatever. I think I'm sicker of writing about it than I am feeling about it, honestly.  I mean, what? Every other post I get around to is about my expandabutt lately? Geeze. Say it with me now: "Get a GRIP, lady, and get it the freak together already!!"

NOTHING fits. Even the pair of Mr. Man's jeans I've been wearing....almost every day for the last few months? O:-) Even THOSE are starting to get tight - they're uncomfortable right out of the wash. What the HECK.

So today, I FINALLY did it. I FINALLY powed up my wii fit balance board - had to change the batteries and everything - and WEIGHED myself.

I've been talking, inwardly, about needing to do this for months. Like, okay, seriously, WHAT is the damage. I know nothing fits, HOW MUCH WEIGHT have I really put on??

But finding out has TERRIFIED me, I think.  'Cause I'm not going to lie, after I weighed myself today and got SLAPPED in the face with THAT reality, I had to sit down on the couch and get my mojo back together to keep the tears back.

What the HELL have I done to myself? And WHY??

Today I weigh 194.9lbs and have a BMI of 31.32.

Wait. WHAT?!?!

Now, you may recall how I feel about the validity of BMI and what garbage it is as a measure of fatness. But.....to the best of my knowledge if I were to go into the doctor's office today with that information she would go by her BMI chart.

And tell me that yes, I am in fact, 100% very well, full on OBESE.

I mean, that is how obesity it defined, by a calculation of height & weight. And while I may not agree with the practice it's how things are done.

I am, currently, textbook obese.

That's a tought one to swallow, not going to lie.

So, I don't know if that's the kick in the pants I need to turn myself around so I can stop feeling humiliated every time I walk out of my house - true story - or if the ridiculous, constant-binge state I've been in for the last year is going to just continue - is it called a binge if it never ends?

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know I am not this person. I am not obese. I'm active, fun, silly, and run around with all the kids at parties. I don't live off of chocolate or pick movies over workouts. I don't hate running.

I am lost inside a ginormous layer of bubbly, dented, flabby lard and can't get out.

TODAY:
did the Biggest Loser "Last Chance Workout" which I LOVE and highly recommend - constantly changing interval workout. It's HARD by the end, holy crow.  I think it's about 35 minutes.
Next: giving up waiting and getting rid of my clothes that don't fit. If I ever lose the weight again I'll just get to go shopping. I think I'm ready to live with that.

The Game Plan

I have a confession to make.

Which is okay, right? Since this IS "Confessions of a Kin Major" I'm SUPPOSED to have deep dark secrets to share with the world here, right?

Obviously, if I were perfect, as I know you all like to think (haaaaaaahahahahaha) I'd never have anything wrong about myself to report.... but then I would have named the blog something else.  Booyah, chalk one up for logic!

Okay, ready? Here it goes:

I haven't been running. 

(from: http://hyunjunra.glogster.com/)

And you know what, when I HAVE fit running into my day, or week, or whatever lately.... I suck at it.  Like, REALLY bad.

I'm looking back on the last few years in my head and trying to figure out how I got into running in the first place, and how I managed to get "good" at it - I've never been good, but for ME I've been awesome.  But lately, the last few months lately, I just....can't get INTO it.  I just can't! It's SO WEIRD. So yes, I ran further the other week than I ever had before in a week, but that was an anomaly week. Which, you know, stop-and-start type regular-exercise-behaviour is exactly what we're looking for.

The first time I ever ever ran 5K without stopping I was just trudging along trying to see if I COULD do it, paying no attention to speed.  It took me 38 minutes.  Last week I ran 5K on my treadmill trying to give it my all.....and it took me 38 minutes. Which is MORE than 10 minutes slower than my personal best, at LEAST 8 minutes longer than it 'should' take me even on an 'off' day aaaaaaaand.... yeah.  It's just not good.

I can't break through my mental block when I'm running lately.  And it's driving me nuts. And it's not FUN.

So I haven't been running.

So I haven't been losing any of the oodles-of-weight I packed on last year.  Which is unfortunate because it's slowly getting warmer aaaand all my warm clothes are currently size 8 and I'm pretty sure I SHOULD be wearing at least a 12 or 14 at the moment.

Brilliant.

But I have an idea, I'm actually excited about... I just got a chest cold like, the day after we mapped out the idea (we - the Food Addict, Mr. Man and I had an actual sit-down meeting last week with note-taking and commitment making and blah blah blah.... it was silly, fun, and hopefully helpful.  All three of us made our plans, and having the others there - at least FA and I - have someone to keep accountable to. Anyway) aaaaand have been doing oodles of RESTING trying to get rid of all signs of this cold before the play starts next weekend - SO glad I'm sick BEFORE the play and not DURING it this year, BY the by.

Anyway, after my brief stint of waking up at 6 for daycare we KNOW that I CAN get up in the mornings. So now it's just making our nighttime habits and realigning my own thought-patterns such that they encourage earlier mornings.  Mr. Man and I have instituted a bedtime, whereas previously we were staying up too late watching tv we just make sure to get our together-time in earlier and get to bed!  And now, when I wake up at 7 (or before) I'm AWAKE.

It's weird.

(Except the days since I've been sick - I sleep a lot more when I'm sick).

With getting up at NORMAL morning times there's enough time for me to exercise before the day gets going, which is AWESOME! So during the week I'm going to sort of play it by ear and "rotate" through a bunch of things, so I don't get BORED, get my cardio & resistance in, and keep my body guessing.  Here's the current list:

• P90X Plyometrics - my FAVE of the P90X workouts, and it will be AWESOME in prepping for soccer season.
• Biggest Loser "Cardio Max" dvd that I've had for ages - has options on it so workout can be anywhere from 30 - 50 minutes long, which is great.  Aaaand Bob used to kick my butt like crazy when I tried this before. 
• a NEW (to me, anyway) Biggest Loser dvd I found in a three-pack at Costco with Jillian called "Last Chance Workout" which is a circuit training workout - 35-55minutes long depending on the options I pick
• Running - NO I don't want to run all the time, but getting in one or two runs a week to keep me mobile will be essential for soccer, as well.
• Yoga/yogilates - I NEED to get back to this. My posture is so bad lately it's painful, and that's always in the past been the first thing I've noticed gets better when I do yoga.  But trying to figure out how to fit this in regularly AND get in my cardio etc was making my head hurt - my yogilates videos are 45min and 60min respectively.  BUT my new BL 3-pack has a yoga dvd in it with 2 different 30min yoga workouts, so YAY for variation in the yoga options, too! This excites me. hahaha
• Oh yeah, and P90X chest & back. This workout is intense, especially for an upper-body weakling like myself, but I LIKE it!  Aaand while it specifically targets, obviously, the chest and back, by virtue of those being key, core muscle groups, everything else is hit while doing it - can YOU do a pushup/pullup without engaging your triceps and biceps? How about those abs for stabilization (excellent practice for runners, by the by)? 

So, to the Food Addict, who has taken our meeting and run with it (no pun intended) and has been making some awesome strides in the last few days with HER plans, I'm SORRY I haven't joined you yet and have been derailed by this cold, but I'm still on board.

Maybe one day I'll get my 5K back down to -30 minutes where it belongs, but in the meantime, I'm just going to play around and do whatever feels like what I want to get done that day.  But SOMETHING. :-)  If I remember I'll have to finish posts with a short report on the day's activities.

I know. I suck. ;)

I'm not going to lie, I missssssss blogging. But I just don't have anything interesting to say lately! hahaha Well, assuming anything I had to say ever was interesting in the first place - I've heard bloggers accused of being very egocentric thinking that anyone would give a crap to stop by and read whatever doldrums come rambling out through their fingers that day.... (shrug) Whatever.

I've had some GREAT run-ins with baby-making/planning questions lately, which have been a blast, but as that topic apparently offends some I feel I can't write about it. Though I will say that I was recently told that the longer a woman waits between children the lazier, and consequentially worse and worse a mother, she becomes. Followed up a week later by someone doing a water evaluation in my home asking me if we're planning on having another one anytime soon. Yeah. The water evaluation guy. 'Cause you know, we're tight like that. (rolling eyes)

What else can I tell you?

I was in a fairly crippling funk the better part of last year, I'm not going to lie. Made for some pretty interesting goings on over here AAAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnddddd all the weight I lost and then some has come RACING back on. Which I think I may have said at some point - who knows? My blogging has been nothing if not sporadic the last year or so. Anyway, I put on so much weight that a couple of months ago I actually got into an argument at church, with a lovely busy-body who, by the way thinks Little Miss is small because she doesn't get enough exercise - if she's getting enough exercise then she'll sleep well at night and she'll grow when she's sleeping, so the fact she's petite OBVIOUSLY proves she's not getting enough exercise (rolling eyes. Again) - in a choir practice I was directing. In front of actually, like, our full choir that day. It rarely happens, but we finally have a good crowd and she up and says "are you pregnant?"

"No."

"No, you are. You're pregnant."

"No, I'm really not."

"No, Little Miss needs a sibling. I know. You're pregnant."

"I assure you I'm NOT pregnant."

"I'm sure you're pregnant."

"I'm NOT pregnant. I've put on about 20 or more pounds in the last few months. Thank you for noticing and pointing it out to everyone."

"No, you're pregnant."

"I am not pregnant. I keep peeing on the sticks and they keep saying 'no' so I'm pretty sure, I just got really fat."

"I'm sure you're pregnant."

I promise it went down just like that. Just like in the movies when a KID asks a fat lady when the baby is due, but it wasn't a kid, and she wouldn't DROP it!

So...that, and my MOM admitting how fluffy I'd gotten.... yeah, it got pretty out of hand.

It happens to me sometimes. I just get out of my groove and lose control. I hardly EVER have control of my eating habits, but I'm fairly good at staying on top of the exercise. It's a pain, now, 'cause I'm much better, and back to it - I've been exercising/running frequently probably for at least a couple of months, now - but I have SO MUCH WORK to do to get back to where I'd already worked so hard to get! hahaha And it's not even 'yo-yo' dieting, just.....yo-yo funkifying? Anyway, whatever. I'm a work in progress, what can I say?

Aaaaaaaaand, now that I'm boring ME I'm going to call it quits for the day (week? month? months? WHO knows?) aaaaaaand see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get outta' bed again in the morning and fit a 5K in before Mr. Man heads off to work. I like that schedule.

Cheers!

Remember when....

Hey, it's me! 

Remember way back when in August I said I'd be back to blogging?

Remember when I used to use this blog to confess my I'm-a-kinesiologist-in-training-and-absolutely-know-better trespasses against my athletic physique?

Remember back in the spring, when I was practically SKINNY??

Remember when I qualified as a "runner"?

Remember when it didn't hurt to wear pants that don't belong to Mr. Man?

Remember when I used to fit a bra without that horrid my-boobs-are-too-big-for-this-but-I-apparently-like-to-look-like-a-hootchie-with-the-boob-bulge-over-this-line thing going on?  Because I had fantastically SMALL boobs????

Remember when I could do the 300 workout in under an hour, and found some definition under all my post-baby belly fat??

Remember when I used to love Yogilates??

Remember when I did the 30-day-challenge with some friends to test if we had any idea what we were talking about trying to help people with weightloss goals??

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have been itching to blog for...well, months, now.  But I've been WAY too embarrassed.  My CLOTHES do NOT fit, and I'm not even only talking about my fantastic, new-within-the-last-year-since-I-ACTUALLY-hit-the-impossible-Gap-8 clothes (which, by the way, are excruciatingly painful, if I can get them on at ALL...).  I saw my reflection the other day while cooking in my mom's kitchen for Thanksgiving - I'm HONESTLY starting to look like a fat girl - my thighs come so so soooooooo together WAY too early at what should be the top of my legs, but is really around my knees... it makes each movement look like one leg is going to have to go through the other in order to take a step forward.  I mean, I have giant, soccer-playing legs to begin with, but then there's all this...this.... GROSSSSSSSSSSSS around it and it's busting out of my pants.  And let's not even get INto my muffin top.  I mean, muffins?  PLEASE!  This is an entire CAKE busting out of not just the top of my pants (belt is like the cruelest word EVER right now - I fold over and cry in pain at the thought of attempting to cinch around this monstrosity).  And not only my pants, but my shirts, blouses....  If I'm not wearing a pair of my husband's baggy jeans and a sweatshirt I can guarantee you I am agonizingly uncomfortable, and super overly conscious of every jiggle, wiggle, waggle, and cellulite-loaded flapping-in-the-wind. 

I. Feel. Disgusting. 

My treadmill is STILL broken.  That thing has turned out to be the biggest joke on me, EVER.  And I KNOW the weather's actually PERFECT for running right now, because it's just cool enough without being biting, to keep a run a very comfortable affair.... but I'm so FAT and my running clothes, OBVIOUSLY are not MEANT to be worn by someone as chunky as me.  I feel like taking this thing out, dressed in THAT, is just cruelty to the world... and I can't seem to get myself past that mental hurdle and out on the street to go for a run.  I feel like I NEED my treadmill operational or I'm just going to keep expanding until I explode....which could be very soon because, SERIOUSLY, my clothes don't fit.  (Cautionary note: if you're hanging out with me any time soon, you MAY want to wear safety goggles to protect your eyes from sky-rocketing buttons flying from my overtaxed apparel...)

Please please, don't post that I'm silly, that I look great, and you don't know what I'm talking about.  YOU'RE silly if you can't see the difference between now and back when school ended and I was on top of things.  School ended, my routine got off, and it's just never gotten back on.  I'm NOT crazy.  I may slightly overstate the problem, but it is a problem.  When your mother will (grudgingly - she's still my mom! I'm always gorgeous to her) admit to you that your weight is ballooning you KNOW there's a problem. 
I can tell every morning when I open my drawers that there's a problem....

Though I know that I haven't been pregnant I was kinda' hoping that maybe by NOW I'd be pregnant and I could kind of excuse myself my holy-super-fatty transgressions and aim for slower-weight-gain pregnancy this time around.  BUT, of course, as in keeping with the year, I am NOT.  Big surprise there. 

So... I can keep wallowing in my expand-a-butt glory...which has honestly been going on for months.  And, really, may continue.  Or I can do something about it.  I hope I do something about it - I'm tired of feeling like this.  My brother's perfectly petite, dwarf-of-a-girlfriend came for Thanksgiving, ate reasonable amounts of food, and after her ONE splurge the entire weekend says "oh, I workout."  Well, congratulations, and hooray for you.  Even when I HAVE a really long, good go of on-the-wagon working out, I NEVER have and never WILL have the obvious success YOU have, so please, yes, rub that in my chipmunk-cheeked face again. 

You know what else is just ironic about the whole thing??  I'm currently growing my hair out.  hahaha  Okay, so I know I'm the only person on the planet who would ever find that funny, but last time I cut it short, before I got pregnant and had Little Miss, I always said I'd never ever grow it out long again unless I lost a tonne of weight and actually hit size 8.  Which I NEVER thought would be possible.  But I just think I look so extra CHUNKY with long hair, and I should keep it shorter unless my face was thin enough to pull it off....  Anyway, so I LOSE all the weight, do that silly play (remember when I was in a play?) and then decide life will be easier if my hair is longer NEXT year when we do the play again..... so I'm growing my hair out.  And I'm probably the fattest I've been in the last three years, barring immediately after giving birth.

Mom thinks my waist size is directly linked to my happiness level. 

I just think I need to figure out this stupid food problem.  I hate food. 

I need some popcorn.

Losing control

I don't remember if I've ever told you about my falling off the sugar-wagon - did I? I may not have mentioned my attempt to get back on it after my last downfall. I was doing great. I was feeling great. I looked great - seriously, I was wearing some things that I generally don't love how I look in and I LOVED how I looked in them. The combination of my sugar-less life and the Jedi's kicking my BUTT with 300 was FINALLY working wonders. The secret, honestly, seemed for me to be the sugar. When I eat sugar I eat a LOT of it.

Then, one night (and my dear friend, please don't ever take it that I'm BLAMING you, I just know this is when it started again...) the Jedi came over to do homework, and being the super sweet wonderful friend that he is he brought with him.....

....CHOCOLATE

And not just any chocolate. No no. This was authentic Polish dark chocolate-coated marshmallow.....

And I wasn't due to break my sugar-fast until the next birthday, but I rationalized. I rationalized that if my army-dictator-type-'trainer' was sharing chocolate with me that it MUST be okay for me to reunite with my nemesis for just a moment. Just one moment.

Right?

But then I didn't just eat one. I ate most of the top flat. Mr. Man and the Jedi ate a couple each, and I polished it off.

So fine. So I binged on chocolate. So what??

I've never STOPPED EATING!! I've been stuffing food in my face ever SINCE! I just...can't stop! (I'm eating "cool ranch" Doritos as I type this...they're SO GOOD).

I went to a girlfriend's house to watch "Glee" one night, and she had oodles of cake in her freezer left over from an event at work....and I said let's go GET it and then ate....at least 3, probably 4 pieces. Always cake-first to save the icing for last. (MMmmmmmmmm.....iciiing.... give me a 'tub' of Betty Crocker with a spoon....)

Somewhere in all the eating Christmas happened, which was pretty intense as far as food goes. Christmas Eve and Day dinners, fudge, oodles of the marshmallows that should have been going into the fudge.... OOOoooooooooo.....maaaarshmalllllooows.... drooling

And I've just...never recovered.

I was telling Mr. Man last night. I almost got caught in a marshmallow thieving-moment this weekend at my mom's. I was in the kitchen, dumping mini marshmallows out of the bag onto the counter for me to wolf down when Mom walked in. I am SO good, she didn't see me stash the bag under the counter, tuck the massive pile of marshmallows behind the card on the counter - counter's white, marshmallows are white, hallelujah camouflage - nor did she notice me quickly close up the bag and kick it behind the cheerios box on the ground while she popped popcorn for our Glee-a-thon. (I put the marshmallows back in the cupboard the next morning, when only Little Miss and I were in the kitchen).

When I was a kid I used to make up butter cream icing while my parents were busy doing...whatever, wrap the whole recipe's worth in saran wrap, and keep it in my underwear drawer. Then I had access whenever without having to put the money out on Betty Crocker. Which is an issue for a middle school kid. (And, actually, a 27-year-old student & mom....huh.)

When I think about food, which is often, I often like, day dream about food. And when I think about eating a doughnut I think about eating the whole dozen doughnuts. I can taste and feel the various Krispy Creme flavours on my tongue and feel the remnants making their way down my esophagus to my stomach. I can easily put away that whole box in one sitting. I can literally FEEL the food inside me. The picture at the top of this post? Is PAINful to look at - I can feel it, taste it, smell it, just sitting here looking at it. I like, NEED a doughnut!

I ate most of a bag of Miss Vickies at my mom's the other morning watching Glee (we had a fantastic FANTASTIC leisurely weekend, for like, the first time EVER it feels like! ....we watched a lot of Glee. I LOVE Glee.)

When I think about quitting sugar (again) I'm in agony - I think about and can taste and feel all my favourites (is anything not my favourite?) and think that I can't do it. Can't do it. I LOVE ice cream doused in corn syrup (there weren't any other "toppings" in the house....I ate that combination in abundance the other week... SO good. Little Miss kept asking what I was eating and I lied and told her it was yogurt so I wouldn't have to share with her.....)

So I think I have to do it. I HAVE to do it. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep eating like this.

And I know I don't only binge on sugar, but it's my HUGE downfall. I don't mind eating the occasional over-sized bag of Doritos if I'm NEVER drinking corn syrup.

.....and I'm wondering if I should look further into this, which I stumbled upon doing research for my independent study on body image and eating disorders. The more I learn about it the more I worry I have it...but then the fact that I'm self-diagnosing negates my concerns. sigh

I have to go get my once again increasingly large stomach tucked into my gym clothes for my Therapeutic Applications of Exercise lab, which is super exciting. I won't eat a doughnut.

I'll let you know when I swear off sugar again for sure. Mr. Man offered to do it with me this time when we were chatting last night. I wonder if that will help.

I need help.

70 X 7

I need to confess.

AGAIN.

It's been a bad little bit for me. A VERY bad little bit for me. Holly commented yesterday how I've been having the WORST luck lately - I feel like that doesn't even BEGIN to describe it, but yes, Holly, you are right.

I am SO worn down and SO tired - largely due, probably, to the two all-nighters I had to pull last week to get everything done and the fact I'm not fully recovered yet - and SO overwhelmed and just so....BLECH.

Even my WRITING has been all of those things lately. Which I know I addressed last time I wrote, but still. It's awful. I'm in a funk in a big way and everything about me shows it. Funk funk funk funk FUUUNK.

And in the midst of all of it, I need to confess.

How many times can you repent before it doesn't count anymore? Aren't you supposed to CONFESS and then FORSAKE?? So, if I keep confessing to you that I'm a Kin-failure is there a point where you stop 'forgiving' me? Where's my calculator - what IS 70x7 anyway? (You smart math people can do it in your head.... :P to you. I probably COULD I just don't CARE to try...)

Confession 1:
I'VE BEEN EATING SUGAR

Okay, okay. Not just eating. INHALING.

sigh

I made it to Mom's birthday cake, as planned. The cake was a couple days before her birthday, but that was expected because her birthday was on a Monday. So we had cake on the Saturday. It was DELICIOUS.

And I was in the throws of fighting off my H1N1 (it's kinda' fun to be part of a worldwide pandemic.... People FREAK out when they find out - WE'RE ALL ALIVE AND WELL, EVERYONE!!) which the following day I used, internally, as an excuse to partake of the cake leftovers.

It was downhill from there.

And then Hallowe'en. OH Hallowe'en how I've decided I absolutely adore you.


And really, if I had been ON the anti-sugar bandwagon, as anticipated, at Hallowe'en then this wouldn't have been a problem:

As it was, I almost single-handedly ate all the 'leftovers' (we 'accidentally' bought WAY too much candy) in...well...ALMOST two sittings. There were a few that made it out alive, I think Mr. Man managed to eat some....but yeah. It was a massacre.

We're potty training Little Miss. I've eaten all of her potty-candies on multiple occasions - thankfully she's getting past the point of 'needing' them so it's usually not an issue, except for the fact that I ATE THEM ALL.

AND with the flu for two weeks and then last week's absolutely INSANE school-load...I hadn't exercised at ALL in three weeks.

Today the Jedi and I were supposed to hit the gym and I'm just in such a funk I managed to talk him out of it. In hindsight...we should have gone - that might have helped bust me out of this funk.

I REALLY want to go for a run...but it's WAY too dark out, Optimus Prime is BUSTED... (more on that when we have something - looks like the circuit board is broken which Mr. Man thinks can only have happened before we even GOT it - kinda' weird that's it's worked all this time...)

SO......I don't know what to say other than to have told you my wrongdoings. I'm not ready today to make any claims or plans or promise to be better. I DO want to re-break up with sugar, but I've been toying with the idea of going 2010 sugar-free.... we'll see.

I just wanted to let you know that at the moment I'm not doing so well, I guess. shrug

Back to homework - yippie.

Reporting In

Well, I'm sure you've all noticed (all like, three of you who actually read this little blog of mine....and when I say I'm sure you've noticed I really mean I'm sure this is so far off all your radars and unimportant that no one's noticed.... hahaha) BUT I've had a HORRID two weeks with running. OY!! This past week and the one before each I only got ONE run in (not including a soccer game both weeks) and only managed to squeeze a measly 5K out each time. And I wasn't really breaking any personal best times with those 5Ks, either.

If you DID read my last post you may have discerned that it's been a wee bit harried around here of late (thanks EVERYONE for your concern - WE GOT SOME HELP and have more coming!! hahaha YAY!) and just all over the place and OY OY OY!! (Someone asked me once if I'm Jewish...I'm not. I just LOVE that word - it so very often describes EXACTLY how I'm feeling! hahaha)

Anyway, in the middle of all that oy there just hasn't been running.

And there's been EATING. Oh my GOSH has there been eating. EVERYthing.

It's like, I'm a stress-eater but while I'm in the middle of it I can't see that's what's happening. I can't see that I'm stressed while I'm stuffing 16 cups of caramel popcorn down my throat after all but two of the seven+ people I prepared it for for our book club meeting (yes yes yes, I know. Another STUPENDOUSLY nerdy thing I do - I'm in a book club) didn't show up to eat it... and the ring pops I bought as "party favours" for them (it was on theme!!)....and all the nachos and salsa-dip (oh my gosh, it's SO GOOD)....(by the way, I was really put out that no one came to my month's meeting - the three of us who DID meet had a BLAST but Mr. Man and I practically killed ourselves getting the house and food and everything ready and then no one came!! GAH!! People, RSVP!!! Oh-mi-GOSH RSVP!!! Do your inviters a HUGE favour and just TELL THEM ahead of time if you're planning to attend or not! If you like them at ALL, in the SLIGHTEST LET THEM KNOW IF YOU'RE COMING OR NOT!! Otherwise, besides being extraordinarily rude, it's unfair to the would/could be hosts. SERIOUSLY! Okay...whoa...are we on a tangent??) What else have I eaten lately?? I guess more what HAVEN'T I eaten lately????

I feel fat. I hate that feeling. Or, this feeling. Whatever. Fat is not a good feeling. Regardless of whether or not you (or I, in this case) actually LOOK fat, FEELING fat is the actual problem.

Anyway, so this week, I plan to be back on track. I don't know how we're going to make it happen, but it will happen. Expect to see my weekly run tally on the sidebar there saying something OTHER that just 5K by the end of the week (I HAVE to get back on this horse or I'll lose all my hard-earned training!! GAH!!) - in fact, I will plan RIGHT NOW to run 10K once this week. So the counter should say at least 15K by the end of the week - that's a minimum of two runs. Plus soccer.

And the food....we'll tackle that one again in a bit. Just "eating better" and all that mushy garbage doesn't really work for me - it's not tangible or drastic enough for me. I'm a little too.....well, I don't really even know what too I am, but I'm too something for airy-fairy I'll-just-eat-less-and-or-better type stuff to really work. I don't have the willpower for something so loose, you know??

I'm going to do a run in the fall with Steph (who just blasted her previous personal best for a half-marathon out of the WATER today with 1:43- HOLY FREAK and CONGRATULATIONS, GIRL!) - we/I just have to pick one and get training for it. And then watch her fly away from me as soon as the 'gun' goes off... hahaha

AND...that's that for now. I think I'm going to go check to see that Little Miss is in her bed and aSLEEP, and then I'm going to read a bit ("Dracula" by Bram Stoker - fantastic and horrifying all at the same time! hahaha I read it once before....but now the whole chick-vampires-feed-on-kids bit is much much much more disturbing than I recall it being first-time through; I think I love Little Miss too much!), and then I'M going to go to sleep. Maybe I'll go get some ice cream first so I can be digesting something and burning calories in bed....

JUST KIDDING! ;)

Oy, Oy, Oy.

Huh. I wonder if it's 'cause I'm not in school right now so my life isn't completely taken over by my whole kin-major-ness. But OY!! Where has the time GONE?!?!

Okay, let me catch you up:

5-factor, though awesome, is just NOT conducive to...well, whatever it is that I'm trying to accomplish right now. I think with Little Miss around, running the business, and trying to have some SUMMER in my summer it's just TOO structured. I think that was my main complaint when I tried it last time after she was born. BeFORE we had Little Miss, I was preaching 5-factor everywhere - it was SO EASY to fit it in - seriously, 25 minutes 5 times a week - PIECE of cake!! BUT I could do it ANY TIME before. NOW I only have my Little-Miss-Free time to exercise, aaaaaaaaand there's a LOT of time with Little Miss.

SO, we're back to running. It's relatively quick, it's simple, I LOVE Optimus Prime (I found the VOLUME buttons on the console yesterday so I can actually HEAR "The Office" instead of having to read the subtitles while I watch! WOOHOO!), and it's FLEXIBLE. I can take my shoes with me anywhere, and if I miss a day, I miss a day.

I DO want to try to supplement it with Yogilates - I LOVE yogilates. All the benefits of yoga with some of the core strength of Pilates. I even worked up a sweat tonight, which doesn't always happen, so apparently I was working hard! :)

Okay, got it?? Running + Yogilates = NEW ME. We hope. I haven't successfully yet kept BOTH going for any length of time (drove me nuts tonight doing the yoga poses - I WOULD have been so much further along if I'd not STOPPED part way through the semester - gah!!) but the regime is very flexible. Hopefully I can do one or the other every day, with Sundays off, of course, but if I miss a day, NOT a problem!!

I'm getting tired and embarrassed continually posting that-failed-let's-try-this each week soooooooo let's do this!!

Oy. I need to confess.

What a bad week for this blog. I'm embarrassed. BUT I started this to keep accountable, so here I am!! Ready to spill.

SOOOOOOooooooooo I didn't really just fall off the bandwagon last week, I LEPT from it. Couldn't have been more blatant or intentional a fall if I'd tried.

You know I was sick, and that was really true. Friday last week I was sick, on my period, and just heading OUT of the semester's classes and IN to the semester's finals....

I caved.

I opened a little baggie of candies on my work-desk that I use for prizes and gifts at events, and ate it. Now, not really all that big a deal - small baggie of candy. BUT it was Friday, not Saturday.

Then, Saturday, I ate candy like it was going out of style. Then cake, and ice cream. Then Sunday I had some ice cream with chocolate sauce. Then Monday I finished the ice cream by myself and topped it off with chocolate sauce. Between handfuls of chocolate chips.

I've been downing chocolate chips all week.

Two nights ago I had extraordinarily-wonderfully buttered popcorn at midnight while watching "The Office" and ate until my belly hurt before I passed the bowl to Mr. Man and Bravo, who was over. Then last night after dinner I made this amazing not-quite-caramel popcorn to go with "Transformers." I REALLY wanted to go for a run yesterday, clear the last of this cold, and work out the I-had-two-finals-this-week tension buuuuut it didn't work with Little Miss yesterday. So we substituted with the movie.

This morning I was going to run on Optimus Prime but had a couple of leads for work AAAND was expecting someone for lunch (who didn't show! Sad...) so cleaned and tidied the house, showered, and got dressed. I guess theoretically I still have time today, but I don't have time today. Little Miss should wake up from her nap at any moment, and I have choir practice tonight that will take up my entire evening.

At least I won't be able to stuff my face...

Thankfully ShopGirl hasn't called in for my results for the challenge, but if she does I'd say it's safe to assume I did NOT win, though I haven't checked anything lately. My pants still fit....

In two days I'm to participate in my first ever race. I'm scared out of my mind, and I haven't run in over a week. Due to the cold, at first, and today to my being a lazy bum.

Someone yell at me and get me back on track, will ya'??