The Struggle

I haven't written in a while, and I'll confess I feel bad about it. Just, the things I've had to say lately I haven't felt were exactly the best subject for this blog. But I WANT to be blogging about them.

So...I may start a new one. Specific to some topics I'm dying to write about and cover; I don't blog for the accolades or attention, but because of the incredible catharsis I get from writing. And if in the process I'm able to reach a person or two who may be having some similar struggles, I'm okay with that. 

I believe firmly that life is hard because the whole point is to progress and get better. And we experience what we do so we can learn and grow, and in turn, help those we bump into go through their cruddy stuff, too. If I can't learn and grow and try to make the world just a teeny bit better, then what the heck is the point? 

So glad to have the convictions I do. 

Once I'm up and running and writing away...wherever, I'll be sure to share the link to the new-subject-blog in case anyone is interested. 

Thanks for keeping tabs on me when you do. 

Cheers,

Red

Update: So...I did it right now. I'm crazy, I know. Ask anyone - when I get an idea that's it that's all until I can get the idea into fruition. I'm kind of a wee bit impulsive like that!

Here's the link, and make sure to start at the beginning, if you do take a gander: http://imamormonhesnot.wordpress.com 

Why I'm running Grapes of Wrath

Some of my Facebook friends and family already know I've signed up to do a 5k obstacle course race at the beginning of July.

I'm nervous, but I'm always nervous when I do new things, so that's nothing to get knotted up about.  And I'm training.  Hard.  I'm getting to kickboxing 2-3 times per week PLUS an extra training sesison Saturday mornings including a run and usually a circuit, JUST to prep us for the race.  Obviously people train way harder than I am, but just over three months ago I was ginormously preggers with my Mini Miss and I'm studying for a giant test. So yeah. I'm training pretty hard.

So here's how it came about:

I was at the dojo for kickboxing, and Sensei announced that he was running the Grapes of Wrath and "we" were putting a team together so DO IT.  And I thought...I could do that.

So I signed up.

It's an epic tale, isn't it?

Here's why I'm really doing it, though.

The Grapes of Wrath race is put on by the Canadian Cancer Society to garner support for their efforts in the battle against cancer.  All cancers.  Brain cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer, skin cancer, fingernail cancer... if it's cancer, they want it gone.

You may recall I recently lost an acquaintance to her cancer battle. It was a heart-wrenching experience watching her battle.  And LOSE.  I did not expect that.  And I haven't written before, but I have a young, extended "family" member who spent the last year battling the nastiest brain tumour... watching her go from a vibrant, active, honestly annoyingly upbeat little girl into a wheelchair-bound sickly specimen has not been easy, ESPECIALLY for our dear friends who love her so so so much.

But really, I'm self-centred enough that these two amazing examples wouldn't be enough on their own, for me. When things come up that are unfortunate but don't really affect us Mr Man and I have a habit of shrugging and muttering "S-E-P" to each other - someone else's problem. It's our way of laughing off negativity and keeping ourselves from overextending, but now, reflecting on the horrors of illness it feels heartless and embarrassing. And naive. It may be SEP today, but maybe not tomorrow.

When my friend was still with us for a time we thought she had completely beat her cancer. Or at least, I did. She was finished treatment, had a mastectomy, grew her hair back, and resumed her life as the vivacious, fabulous woman she had always been. But she spent a bit more time raising awareness about cancer, wearing daffodils, pink ribbons,  and leading cancer-fighting groups in exercise to try and help ward off the negativity in our bodies that mutates and turns on us. 

During that period last year some of her sons competed in the Tough Mudder obstacle race. I was pregnant and jealous of their ability to even attempt to compete in such a physically demanding event, and she was on the rehabilitative road back to being able to train her body hard. We looked at each other and said "next year." Next year we were going to work our bodies hard, train like crazy, and run the Tough Mudder.

She died a week before Mini Mss was born. We weren't able to train. We will never run the Tough Mudder together. 

So now that I can I feel like I HAVE to. The Grapes of Wrath is no Tough Mudder, but it has a purpose. It's a race to raise money for the Canadian Cancer Society, to beat cancer. Because cancer sucks. And because my friend can't run it I have to. 

I run this race for her. 

My understanding is that while the Canadian Cancer Society wants to eradicate cancer, the donations from the Grapes of Wrath don't go directly to cancer research, but to another amazing program: Wheels of Hope. If you know someone with cancer you may know he or she can't just go to the local hospital, necessarily, to get the appropriate treatments to save/extend/better his or her life. Chemotherapy isn't a run-of-the-mill hospital thing, necessarily. Here I've watched the mother of a little girl with a brain tumour post on Facebook almost weekly, for a year, looking for anyone with a kind heart, a car, and some spare time, to drive to another city to get her daughter to her appointments for her treatment. 

Well, the Candian Cancer Society has a program for just such a situation. I don't know how it works, I don't know if this mom was ever able to take advantage of it, but I DO know from watching this family, that there is definitely a need. A need for rides! Of all things, I would never ever EVER think of that. And the Grapes of Wrath is to fund the program that provides rides, so these darling people can get to their treatments. 

And so, I'm running for her, too. Because while I haven't been able to provide a ride directly, I can do this so maybe someone else can.

A couple of you wonderful people have already donated to sponsor my run. I didn't set my goal very high because I know there are SO many amazing, wonderful causes out there worthy of your donations. And most of my family and acquaintances already donate large sums through ecclesiastical organizations that are then used in all sorts of wonderful areas to enrich so many in incredible humanitarian ways. 

But if you haven't, and you can, please donate just a little bit. Help someone get the treatment he or she needs. Help me remember my friend and make as big an impact for good as I can while I do it. Help the Canadian Cancer Society run its programs and maybe exceed its fundraising goals so that extra funds can be channelled directly into ending this horrible illness' hold on humanity. 

And regardless of whether or not you can donate, take two seconds to share this post around and help me spread the word. Help us make a difference. Please. 

You can donate directly online here. 

Thanks so much for reading, and for the support, always. 

See you at the finish line!

Red

Friday Schmiday

It's a grey day outside today. Which is great for my gardens.

But I'm feeling today about the same as the weather looks. Just... blech.

Which is great, because Little Miss has a day off school, so I should be tapping into my super-mommy instead of trying not to keel over and die... Sigh.  Irony, right?

Glad I ended up at kickboxing last night, though, instead of planning to go tonight.  I can take the night off and not feel guilty!

I don't normally go on Thursdays, just sometimes. But while waiting for Little Miss to finish her jiu jitsu class yesterday (my baby girl is a red belt! She pulled this thing on my arm the other day...kid's got skillz!) Sensei sort of TOLD me I was going to the adult jiu jitsu class....

Grading for her red belt a few months ago

Getting ready to show off her skillz to Sensei and see if she passes to the next belt level!

Watching the other graders

(we're not as cute in the adult classes as the kiddos are)

...so I ended up going to my first ever jiu jitsu class last night.

It was...interesting.  I think if I can check my stinking anxiety I might actually really enjoy it.  Last night Sensei taught me and two other noobs some basic self-defense and take downs (I have no idea terminology in this uh, "sport"...like, is it a sport or a martial art or both or...???) which was kind of cool.. the challenge then is practicing it often enough that it's automatic and actually useable in the case of an attack by Creepy Bob or whatever.  But it's pretty stinking awesome.  And crazy...Little Miss already knows this stuff! She's staying in jiu jitsu FOREVER! hahaha

Since it was an instructional evening it wasn't overly taxing, physically (my poor brain was spinning like mad...) so I called Mr. Man and decided to stay for kickboxing, too, so I didn't have to go back out again tonight.

Which means...I get to totally CRASH and do NOTHING tonight.

Except maybe some work.  And some studying.  And some laundry. And dishes. And take care of the baby. And...and....and...........

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Pray that I'm up for the incredibly busy day we have scheduled for tomorrow - training in the morning, followed by viewing a couple of houses (we're starting the hunting-for-a-new-house process, though we're probably about a year away from actually getting it done), followed by Little Miss going to fight class, followed by Niagara Falls COMIC-CON to meet ADAM FREAKING WEST!! THE man who first started my adoration of the Caped Crusader when I was little. SO EXCITED!!

Well, as excited as I can be in this haze of ick that's hovering over me right now.... fingers crossed I can rally.

Check back - hopefully we're lucky enough to snap a family picture or two at ComicCon....

And yes, in case you didn't already know, I'm a huge nerd. ;-)

Time to wake up!

Hi, there!  No, I haven't forgotten about blogging, it's just been a little busy. With Mini Miss, studying, working, and these other two minions I live with, sometimes life just gets a little bit away from me.  And when there's so much to be done some of the stuff I love doing just for me gets shoved to the side.

Anyway.  Here I am!

And I'm doing okay.  Detox ended a little while ago, to great success; I fit in pants that were painful at the beginning, can button up blouses again, and am quite comfortably in my pre-pregnancy fat pants hahaha

And I'm doing....okay.  Some days are better than others. I must admit I give myself too many allowances, I think, between not wanting to be high-maintenance when eating with others and the fact that I'm breastfeeding Mini Miss... it's increasingly rare for me to make it through an entire day eating the way I'm supposed to be eating.

Which, honestly, is NOT okay.  hahaha

Because while I know I am sporting some SERIOUS post-baby muffin top... I don't always FEEL like I'm a fatty.

And then...I see this...

Yeah...that's not the dress bulging out to the side like that...

And then I go on Facebook and see this, from last night's kickboxing class:

Can you find me? Goodness, how can you NOT find me! Itty bitty head on a giantess of a body!  hahaha (Fun fact, side note: The gal on the right in this pic, in the black tank top? Totally just competed in a body builder competition...it's insane! To prep she literally worked out four+ hours per day and was on the STRICTEST diet EVER... she said it was basically like having a whole second job... WOWZERS. Not recommending, just...neat!) 

Soo....I'm a bit horridly embarrassed. And disappointed in myself. But then I think, I'm pretty sure I'm working harder to get back to ME this time than I did with Little Miss aaaand....it's a LOT HARDER the second time around. At least on this body.  And I need a kick in the butt. Because, honestly, I can't afford NOT to lose the weight; all of my summer clothes are from when I was THIN before I got pregnant and we, quite frankly, can't spend the money on my acquiring an entire new fat wardrobe just to survive the summer. 

Sigh. 

So, that's that for now. I'm done my daily scheduled "me" time and have to get to work. I'll try to keep tabs on myself... I need to be honest with me and not let my brain take over and tell me lies on either end of the spectrum: yes-you-can-eat-that-croissant-it's-not-that-big-a-deal; wow-you're-hideously-fat-and-should-never-eat-again... ;-)  Nope, I'm going to TRY to keep myself in check in reality. ...I may need some help with that... hahaha 

And now, to work!  Happy Wednesday, folks! 

Red

My new running buddy

Tonight I went for a run. It was my first post-pregnancy run without my kickboxing folks, with whom I am training for a race coming up...post on that to come. Anyway, the run went great! Much better than expected. I didn't take my watch or GPS. I know I went a little over 4 km because I'd mapped it out before, so it wasn't a long run, or anything. It was just good to be out. 

And I went with a newbie. 

I know at SOME point in the past I have talked about the Girlie. Well, over the last while she's become more than just the Girlie and we've sort of taken her over as OUR Girlie. She's our tiny Misses' big sister, and just our bud. We love love love her. 

(Mini Miss, Little Miss, and the Girlie)

And silly Girlie. She's having some pretty crazy health problems. Which is ridiculous, because she's young and gorgeous. So...time to start looking after yourself, Girlie!  

So we went for a run. We're going to try to go together every Tuesday. 

Let me tell you all something: she did AWESOMELY. Just awesome tonight on her first time out. And with some bugging in the knee were going to work out with some stretching, massage, and exercise, this Girlie of ours is going to be UNSTOPPABLE! 

So do us a favour; don't just check in on me, now. Check in on the Girlie and see how she's doing. She's very special and needs our help reminding her of that so she remembers just how important it is for her to take care of her wonderful self! 

And now, Girlie, you have been outed to the blogging world! MUAHAHAHA!!

Day 14, folks. Probably going to enjoy a hot dog withal most-plastic nacho cheese and a bag of candy at the movies tomorrow with my Mister and RDJ at Iron Man 3; I can't WAIT! 

Last weigh-in was on Saturday and I was "down" to 198, so I made it back to the correct side of 200! Hooray! I out such little stock in weight as a measure for health, but on ME 200+ lbs is a little unnecessary. In fact, about 25 lbs of unnecessary. Hahaha. 

DETOXING WORKS. For me, a least. My pants fit, my shirt buttons aren't straining against my monstrous cow udders, I mean boobs, my face isn't ginormous, my muffin-top is manageable.... So now, we just keep working and having fun! It's about being able to move and do what I love for me. The weight and appearance is how I can tell if I'm balancing correctly for my own life and tastes. And how I keep those old daemons in check, who am I kidding. But it's about being able to roll around with my kids, participate in a pickup game of whatever, or keep up with my own crazy scheming. Moving makes me happy. 

Now to spend some quality time with something else that makes me happy; vegetating in front of the TV with my man watching geek programming... ;-) 

Until next time! 

Red

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day today. And a beautiful day! Crisp, sunny... My Little Miss isn't feeling 100% (still recovering from a Friday night sleepover! Hahaha! The party animal!) so while Mini Miss and I are getting ready for church we are being entertained by the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow... Mini Miss slept eight hours last night, my house is on its way to being the cleanest it's been in MONTHS, our dinner plans are impeccable (new BBQ? YES!).... Yup. Today is a good day.

But as I've been wandering around my blissful little charmed life this morning my mind has wandered to the fact that it is a special holiday today, and about all the wonderful moms out there I have the blessing to know. 

I have two, perfect little girls. Little girls I absolutely ADORE. So much so that less than three months after Mini Miss' debut I'm open to number three being in our future, should we be so blessed. (What's up with THAT insanity?! Making babies HURTS and I LOATHE being pregnant! Hahaha Love is blind, I tell ya'!)

But, really, as awesome a mom as I am, I pale in comparison to so many others. Which, of course, is why we don't compare ourselves to anyone else, but today, just let me reflect on what a tremendous blessing it is for me to be surrounded by so many absolutely mind-blowing moms. 

I have girlfriends who are moms. Lots of them, thankfully. Two of my best gal pals are single moms. Can you imagine? I cannot even begin to comprehend the exhaustion and difficulty of such a huge undertaking. And they're not single moms by choice, but because they're the fiercely strong persons they are when single-motherhood was chucked at them after some of the most horrendous marital experiences imaginable, they FLOURISHED. With two of the most amazing teens I've ever encountered being the fruits of their many years of labour these moms just blow my mind. 

You amaze me. You inspire me. I pray regularly I am never in your shoes because I know I could never do it with the finesse and success you have achieved. Do NOT EVER doubt how incredible you are, ever. you have achieved more in your times as mothers than most people will ever hope to, and you've done it alone. 

I have girlfriends who when they married their sweethearts were instantly thrust into motherhood, inheriting not only husbands but the title of evil-stepmother as well. These women are astonishing, inheriting, in some cases, high-maintenance step kids with behavioural or other disorders, making them a bit odd and quirky to the rest of us; not as obviously easy to fall in love with as a "normal" child is for the rest of us superficial fools. And yet, they love these kids. They work tirelessly to help them, nurture them, teach them how to navigate this impossible place. They make room for them in their homes and their hearts, deal with their spouses' ex partners with grace, and do it smiling. 

I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if I would handle the constant reminder of my husband's prior life so charitably, or accept the added drama. I HOPE I would, but I don't know. But you? You have. You are awe-inspiring. 

I have girlfriends whose kids suffer from different ailments or disabilities. Autism, cancer, muscular dystrophy...  I don't even really comprehend what autism MEANS let alone how to raise a beautiful, vibrant child operating with relative ease in amongst the rest of his siblings.  My worst nightmare is finding out one of my beautiful girls has a life-altering illness, and yet I see amazing women receive a cancer diagnosis for their perfect babes and after the initial shock wears off they take it in stride, staying strong and positive for themselves and their kids. I'm acquainted with an amazing mom whose youngest was born with muscular dystrophy, a disease so horrible learning about it in paediatric exercise medicine in university I literally broke down bawling in lecture. I. Cannot. Imagine. and having had siblings suffer and eventually give in to this disease, she knows exactly what horrors await her little family and her perfect little boy. And she faces it with strength, grace, ability, love, acceptance. He will live the best life while he is hers. 

I thank The Lord regularly that thus far my beautiful girls have been spared from such difficulties as I see these kids and their amazing moms dealing with, and I know at least in part, it's because I couldn't do it. You women are BEYOND incredible. I cannot even begin to express how much love and respect I have for you. 

Then there are the moms whose perfect little families have been torn to shreds by death. When life and family are perfect, and Daddy dies suddenly, how do you recover from that? Even on the days I "hate" Mr Man...I just, I can't even...I don't know! I think with my depression it would take me at least a year to get back out of bed! And yet here you are, going strong. Raising kids and loving life. Or relishing in having successfully raised amazing adults and cherishing moments with grandchildren who love to hear stories about Grandpa in Heaven. My Mother-in-Law is amazing. 

You teach your children about the eternities, that families are not just a temporal thing, that Daddy is doing important work but that he is always watching and always loving from no-so-far away. You teach them your faith, exemplify your strength, and accomplish so so sooo much. 

I know moms who have survived the worst in life. Whose own examples of motherhood were abusive and/or neglectful. I know these moms struggle with their own feelings of self-worth and their abilities to overcome their childhood daemons to flourish as mommies for their babies. I know sometimes the horrible things you experienced rear their ugly heads and you are horrified to see your own mother in your actions. I know you worry about screwing up your kids the way you were screwed up by your unorthodox upbringing.

You are doing it, though. You are fine. Hell, you're much more than fine. You are amazing. Your children adore you, and you love them. They know that. Even when you do mess up they know that. And The Lord knows what you've been through, what you have had to put up with. He knows you are an amazing mom, even when you don't. Even when you lose control and lose yourself, HE knows. And what is more important on this Earth than the love of your amazing children and the understanding from above? 

You can do it. You are doing it. You have done it. You are unstoppable. A force for awesome in your kids' lives. Forever. You amaze me.

I know many many moms and would-be moms who've lived through the horror of WISHING and DREAMING of motherhood. Of additional motherhood. Who've suffered miscarriage after miscarriage. Who've ended up in the hospital for emergency surgeries to save their lives from pregnancies gone horribly wrong. Moms of still-born angels.  Moms with horrible, high-risk pregnancies that leave them bedridden for MONTHS on end.

You are incredible. Your strength is physically, emotionally, and spiritually beyond comprehension. The hardest mom trial I've had is waiting so so so sooooo long for our Mini Miss to come along, and even then my perfect girls are only 5 1/2 years apart.  I know the heartbreak of seeing my period come month after month, but I cannot understand the pain and suffering of a infertility diagnosis or the devastation of a failed pregnancy.  You women astonish me constantly. And although it's a normal thing, it happens to SO many people...that doesn't make it easier when it happens to you.  You're beautiful, and amazing. And you'll get your turn if you haven't yet.  I promise, you will. 

Finally, my mom. I could write and write and write about my mom, but it's getting time to go to church and I've been typing forever already! I could write a book about my mom. 

I love my mom. And she loves me. She adores my girls. She loves my husband, too, with all his nerdy quirks and social-prowess. She is my best friend. My confidante. My hero. My partner in crime. My favourite date to the theatre, my favourite gal to shop with. She cooks me cinnamon buns when it's Christmas, and vegetables when I'm watching my food intake. She finds excuses to celebrate our family's accomplishments so we can gather and eat food hahaha. she opens her heart and her home to so so sooo many in need, and always has. She can be a little frosty at times, but it's because her mind is going twenty trillion miles a minute, or because she cannot comprehend just how amazing a woman she really is, and can't believe anyone would want HER. She is educated, smart, funny, and she has got THE greatest laugh this world has ever ever ever heard. And the whole world can hear it. 

I love my mom. I can't imagine my world without her. 

Happy Mother's Day to me, to you, to all is rockin' moms. Because we are that amazing. 

Here's how to do it.

People keep asking me how I do it, or what's involved in detoxing. Remember, I had the perk of attending a seminar and learning SPECIFICALLY about me and my body's nutritional needs, and having a detox plan given to me, so, other than adhering to it, all the work was done for me! And having seen the success and changes in my body, I now know exactly what I should be doing to maximize my own potential.

I will admit, as closely as I follow the detox plan, I don't do it exactly. There's a whole LIST of foods I'm technically "allowed" and crazy rules like no nuts after 2pm, and a plethora of vitamins and supplements you're supposed to be doing while strictly following the 14-day protocol.

To me? It's insanity.

No, changing my diet to the general rules the detox protocol - more a spirit of the law than letter of the law kind of thing - is enough for me to yield amazing results, leaving me feeling fabulous and keeping my body in tip top condition for all the things I love to do.

So, as I've said before, I eat meats, vegetables, and nuts. I DO eat root vegetables, minus potatoes. I DO eat squash and corn, even with relatively high carb content. I DON'T watch the clock to know if it's too late to eat some nuts, and I don't care if there are carbs in crab meat.

Especially this time around, while I'm nursing, it's very important not to take out a EVERYTHING or I won't be getting adequate nutrition to keep up my milk supply for Mini Miss.

I have great success with my slightly laid-back detox when I'm on board (THANKS for giving me an outlet to keep myself accountable so I COULD get back control of myself again! What a difference!) so, here's how I do it.

First, I find eating well for myself and my family almost always ONLY works if I plan ahead. It's a pain, but it's essential. Whether I plan exact meals and what day they're going to be served on (the easiest way to get thru my week, I find) or just brainstorm meals to have prep stuff on hand for so I work more day to day, I HAVE to plan. Otherwise when I hit the grocery store I'm just grabbing whatever I see/think of while there, and I often end up without anything I can put together in a cohesive meal for anyone, detox especially.

So when I shop, I shop for all the ingredients for whatever recipes I'm using during the week, plus lots of my favourite veggies for snacks, and I always have oodles and oodles of eggs. I buy meat when it's on sale or being cleared out and freeze it so when I'm doing my weekly planning I look at what meat I have in the house, instead of having to run out and spend a fortune at the butcher counter to meet my plan. (Salmon was on sale last week...there's lots of salmon in the house! Hahaha).

I buy things that are detox friendly and take no prep for snacking - crab meat you can eat right out of the package, shelled nuts are ready to go. I try to pop my own air popcorn because its more natural than whatever goo is in those microwave bags, but even that is pretty low maintenance. And veggies, especially the ones Little Miss likes, I try to chop up when I'm already chopping something and put in containers in the fridge for easy grab-and-go snacks I.e. while dicing onion and pepper for my breakfast this morning I yanked out a cucumber and sliced up the whole thing so it's ready for lunches, salads, dinner sides, whatever. And I have lots of prepared salad/coleslaw on hand so I can quickly supplement whatever I'm eating with loads of varied greenery, topped with oil & vinegar dressings.

I ALSO buy things that go with my meals that HAVE those essential nutrients in them for my kiddo, especially. She's five, she does NOT need to detox. So when I make salmon and veggies for me, I throw some rice on the stove for her. Or steak night she adds pierogies. She eats toast with her eggs at breakfast, and has a ham sandwich or granola bar with her lunch. She eats what I eat, but with grains.

Then, all that's left is cooking or preparing!

This week I've been bad and HAVEN'T planned out every day, but I have enough of what I need that it's been easy. Tonight I pulled out a pork tenderloin from the freezer and will do up pulled
pork in the crock pot - DELISH! Last night we had baked salmon, I think I said, seasoned with lemon juice, butter, and salt and pepper. It was DIVINE. Breakfast this morning I had a whole onion and probably about a quarter of a pepper fried up with two scrambled eggs.

You can find recipes to follow, or just slightly alter what you regularly eat anyway - your fave spaghetti sauce on spaghetti squash instead of noodles, for example (I make noodles for the kiddo, FYI.) or even try corn pasta or something! Switch from your "healthier" whole wheat nachos back to the plain corn ones for a couple of weeks (but don't top them with cheese until detox is over!) and add salsa, guacamole, ground turkey/beef with taco seasoning, lettuce.... Ooooohhhh that sounds GOOD!

If taking fruit out of your daily diet sounds ridiculous, then don't! Make it something you can do, you can accomplish if it's something you want to do. Maybe keep dairy in and just limit yourself to a single small serving per day instead of nixing it all together for two weeks. If you do take it out eat LOTS of dark green vegetables like spinach and broccoli - calcium isn't just important for your bones, it's arguably MORE imperative for the reactions inside your muscle cells that allow you to move, so it is a must must must by SOME means!

Okay, so, that's it, basically! Now whatever you do START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. Stop putting it off or making excuses. I do that all the time. But you know what? There will NEVER be a convenient time. There will ALWAYS be a reason not to. Give up that instantly defeatist mentality and just do it already. You are MORE than worth looking after.

Soapbox speech, done. ;-)

Over and out!
Red

Breakfast; yum!

Checking in on Day 7

(this cracked me up...and if it's true, you're doing something wrong!!)

Wow! It's detox day 7 and I didn't even realize!  Crazy, right?!

Two nights ago Mini Miss slept for EIGHT HOURS. It was amazing.  She didn't go as long last night without feeding, but she's an awesome little sleeper.  I can't wait for eight+ hours to be the norm for me to be sleeping nightly again, but I digress. I was chatting with a gal on Sunday while visiting our family whose almost-year-old STILL wakes up every two hours.  I. Would. DIE. So, serious hats off to all you parents out there who deal with THAT for years on end and are still alive. MY GOSH!

Kickboxing is going fantastically. I'm horrid at some things, but slowly am gaining my cardiovascular abilities back so I'm not instantly gasping for air at the start of every one-two punch combo; I can get at LEAST two out before I have to break!  hahaha

And I'm on track with my food. It's WONDERFUL. Though I am hungry tonight, so will probably pop myself some popcorn (air popper. And yes, popcorn is TOTALLY a vegetable! If I can eat corn on the cob I can eat popcorn!  It's my saving grace, really, for nights like tonight where the rumble just won't subside.)  I even have a go-to fast food meal - the full-size Wendy's BLT Cobb, hold the cheese. It's marvellous, delicious, and filling! Bacon, chicken, and egg all atop oodles of crispy greens - romaine, arugula... At a fast food joint, really, you can't get much better.

Mostly, though, I promise, I'm eating at home.  Usually eggs in the morning, though I skipped eggs and just did nuts and veggies the other day, with cashews and/or pistachios (my two fave nuts...I'm not a big nut girl, so that part of eating like this is a bit tricky...I don't even like pecans that much.) and sometimes a handful of sugar peas and/or peppers.  For lunch today I had a ham steak with broccoli, and a hefty helping of green salad with balsamic vinaigrette. And dinner I did baked salmon with more broccoli (I enjoyed it so much at lunch I figured, what the heck? hahaha) and carrots (with rice, too, for my Mr & Little Miss).

I have more to say than just blah blah blahing about what I'm eating, but I'm always so exhausted and trying to keep myself together with the detox at the moment that none of it has come out through my fingertips yet.  I'll keep you posted. ;-) hahaha

Oh yes, and last night's weigh-in had me at 204lbs. So...I'm definitely experiencing similar results to the first time I did this when I first learned about my insulin resistance; I'm on track to see that number down almost the exact same amount it went down first time (though I have a long way to go to get back to MY healthy number at 175. But that's okay - slow and steady is the easiest way to keep it off later!)

And now, I turn off lights, pop some corn, and doze in front of some geeky TV with my Mr.  Ciao!

Red

Whirlwind Weekend, detox-style!

Well, now. THAT was a busy weekend! PHEW!

Friday was my BIL's 35th birthday, and as everyone is sort of uber enamoured with our Mini Miss it was absolutely EXTRA imperative that we get together this weekend! Which was great - one thing I think both Mr Man and I can agree on is that we both find ours slightly eccentric and totally weird at times we have AWESOME in-laws. Helps that we each come from fantabulous families, but I digress. (With out family-powers combined we become...a SUPER FAMILY! No? Okay, sorry, my nerd is showing...)

What was I saying? Oh yeah!

Saturday was Saturday. We did laundry, I got in a run and some training, finally got Mini Miss' crib put up, went BBQ browsing (ours DIED on us and it's "sprummer" and I CAN'T BBQ!!) fed our kids, us, cleaned house, packed and headed up to MY parents' for dinner, then went to an event with the one and only Alex Boye (no big deal, right?) with my SILs, nieces & my parents, then up to my SIL & BIL's house for a sleepover.

Today, up with Mini Miss, church, "home" to a house full of (some of our most favourite) people, lunch, dinner prep, playing, upset kiddo, perfect baby, accidental nap (yay!), dinner/birthday party, visiting, drive home.

I'm exhausted, but what else is new? Maybe I'll have a decent rest tonight...

Anyway. Saturday my weight was 206, so I'm glad to have further confirmation of my insulin resistance, having now removed all the "bad" for me from my diet for a few days. What a difference! It's like my body just gives a huge sigh of relief and lets go of all the extra fluff and baggage it's been carrying. It's WEIRD.

I am starting to look forward to my first cheat meal, though, and think that it will have to include a dessert of brownies and vanilla ice cream... O:-) (my cheat meals are EPIC).

Eating detox-friendly while away was surprisingly easy, and I'm not as hungry as I was at first, which is great. I took a small bag of snacks with me just in case - cashews, pistachios, cut up peppers, sugar peas, and some crab (yum!) - and ventured to Mom's. When we arrived, anticipating my hunger she had some kielbasa out on the counter for us and we got cooking a dinner of pork chops with mushrooms, vegetable stir-fry, and cobbed corn. DELISH.

Today my in-laws took great care of me, making bacon & eggs for breakfast, which I supplemented with some peppers, peas, and a small bunch of cashews in lieu of the scrumptious looking oranges and watermelon for the troops (you know I miss fruit when watermelon is mouthwatering; I hate watermelon!). Then for lunch we had hot dogs - I had one with no fixins and no bun, and then went to town on my snack baggie. Dinner was delicious homemade burgers, mine done without cheese (though someone tried to STEAL it! The nerve!) corn on the cob, veggie platter...oh, and a delicious-looking potato salad that I had to abstain from. And then at dessert/birthday time I just kept myself busy in the kitchen doing dishes and I wasn't dying watching everyone else enjoy icing-topped cupcakes, baked in the afternoon!

So, with some help, I had a pretty fantastically easy time keeping with it this weekend! I'm pretty pleased.

And that is that for now. Because...I think this baby might just be falling asleep eating aaaand that means I can go to bed. YIPPIE!!!

TGIF

Today, was a good day.

Thank GOODNESS.

After that craziness with Mini Miss yesterday I finally got to bed around midnight.

And then this little angel baby of mine let me sleep for SIX HOURS.

It was amazing.

Then snuggles with my big girl, morning rush off to school, breakfast, chatting with Mom aaand Mini Miss fell sound asleep nursing. Probably around 10am or so.

I figured, gosh darn it, I'm going to lay down, too. I snuggled up with her and my iPad, played online, read some of my book (Anna Karenina at the moment. I was surprised how much I was enjoying it at first, but now it's dragging for me. Probably because I don't have a lot of uninterrupted free time right now. Sigh.) aaand I'm pretty sure I was asleep by 11am.

And I woke up before the baby. Just before 1. :-)

I cannot tell you how much better I feel today than I did yesterday! Hahaha I cannot WAIT for the eight-hour nights to start again, my gosh. But in the meantime, days like today are sheer awesomeness.

DETOX REPORT

Eggs and pistachios for breakfast - I skipped the peas this morning because...change of pace! Hahaha Lunch (at like, 2:30 by the time I got to it after my amazing nap!) was the other half of yesterday's spaghetti squash with ground beef, mushrooms, and an onion in tomato sauce , and, I think for the first time EVER, or at least in the last three days O:-) I was FULL and actually had a hard time finishing! PROGRESS! Aaaand dinner I had salmon, asparagus, and corn on the cob. No snacking today because I slept so long I didn't really notice hunger hahaha I'm hungry now, but I'll survive.

Kickboxing was fabulous tonight, as always. Love it. Everyone needs something they love to do. I'm lucky I have lots.

Boring post, but it was a blissfully boring day. :-)

OH, and the scale at the dojo is starting to inch thataway like its supposed to after a baby so, BOOYAH. I'm LESS than 210lbs! Hahahaha WINNING!

I. Am. Tired.

Today was rough. And not even really all that bad, just...MAN I'm exhausted.

Mini Miss didn't sleep great last night, so....me neither.

So in amongst the ginormous to-do list that just keeps lengthening of late, I figured gosh darn it, it's been AGES since I took a nap and I am DYING for one, so when Mini Miss naps today, so will I!!

It's 11:17pm. Her longest nap since waking up around 8am today has been 45 minutes, while she was in the sling on the walk to and from school picking up Little Miss.

She has been awake ALL day. ALL DAY!!! Happily awake, for the most part, with some wow-I'm-tired crying interspersed in there, and five minute dozing sessions here and there, but my gosh, she's just been AWAKE.

I. Am. So. Tired.

God gave me my kids super spread apart because He knew I couldn't handle having one big one home all the time and not be sleeping due to the little one. He's smarter than me, for sure.

And all you people with two in diapers at once? FREAKING SAINTS. You folks are amazing. And insane.... Oy vey.

I couldn't even relax and enjoy my night out with my kickboxing gals tonight I was so tired and had to take the dang (adorable, perfect, amazing, squishy little ball of) baby with me. And guess what? Aside from a five minute nap...she didn't sleep while we were out.

I think it's just cruelty that we go through literally the hardest, nearly impossible physical feat out there and then canNOT rest to recover afterwards. For MONTHS. It's honestly miraculous that the human race has been around for longer than two generations because this whole gig is just...ridiculous.

I'm totally going to be asleep before this rug rat tonight.

Detox day 2 fine and dandy. Feeling slightly less starving to death tonight. Ate a LOT of food today, so... Hahaha

For breakfast I ate two eggs and some sugar peas. Then Mini Miss and I did groceries. Then when she FINALLY let me get my lunch I had half a spaghetti squash topped with ground beef, mushrooms, peppers, and tomato sauce. YUM! I had a bit of popcorn to tie me over til going out for dinner at 7, and had three pieces of bacon with Mr Man and Little Miss when they ate dinner (I made them bacon and eggs for dinner, with cucumber that Little Miss just INHALED! Hahaha) then at the restaurant, where it was buffet night, I had oodles of roasted vegetables, chicken, a couple of giant salads with shrimp, arugula, lettuce, mushrooms, peppers. Oh yeah, and somewhere during the day I had a pinch-full of cashews because my tummy was rumbling. O:-)

Now...to try to get that Mini Miss back to this for the night....

And now...we detox!

This was in my Facebook newsfeed this morning. It's like it was a sign, or something!

Okay, so today, I started my detox.

Remember detox?? Okay, okay. You have other things in your life that occupy your brains most of the time, so remembering all about MY health problems well....you haven't. hahaha

You can read about the whole story HERE.

Here's the Coles Notes version: I am insulin resistant, and can't eat a butt-load of carbs like I love to. I CAN eat them, occasionally, but not all the time unless I want to keep my muffin top looking like a muffin....(in my case a cupcake, because I SLATHER those suckers in icing....yuuummmmm......)

While pregnant, however, we sort of, um, accidentally? discovered that my body wasn't having the same reaction to my occasional carb-binges as when NOT pregnant, so....yeah.  My gosh. I LOVE CARBS.

Anyway, well, I don't know if you've heard, but I'm not pregnant anymore! (Cheering - I hate being pregnant. MY GOSH. I'm Elizabeth Banks in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - that movie is HILARIOUS. Tangent over.)

See?

Not. Pregnant.

Aaaaand, well, not being pregnant anymore, my body's kind of reverting back to its old ways where I eat it, it shows up on me.  Which, as I've been eating EVERYTHING has made for...an interesting couple of months.

This nursing gig, too, well, it's NOT the be-all-and-end-all weight-loss program that the 'books' laud it to be. Good GRIEF. My cow-boobs are so FREAKING HUGE I swear they're half of my obesity problem at the moment.  I cannot WAIT for that to be over, as fabulously as it is going.

So. After some deliberation and wondering and figuring out.....and whining about how ginormous I am at the moment (let's be honest - Little Miss TOTALLY gets her whining from me. Sigh. I KNOW.) and making excuse after excuse over the last two months for why I SHOULDN'T start eating properly again... I am ON THE BANDWAGON.

To start, we detox, and today was day 1.

Now, this isn't some crazy insane juice-only or eight-week detox (some of you people, in my humble opinion, are INSANE!! Seriously, EIGHT WEEKS?! Woooowwww......).  No, all it is is a kickstart for my body to get back where it needs to be nutritionally. I eat lots and lots and lots, just not lots of variety!  hahaha  Meat, vegetables, and nuts.  I eat anything in those categories. (Except potatoes. Sob)  Doing this for a whopping 14 days (sure FEELS whopping right now! I WANT MARBLE SLAB!!) allows the body to flush out all the sugar crap that's stuck in there...resisting insulin!  That's why I have to take even fruit out at first, to nix the fructose, and just let everything go.  

Multivitamins (if you can get a good one, that actually gets absorbed instead of just sitting, whole, in your stomach...) are a great addition because they can help sort of latch on to the icky and yank it out of your body, too.  And a whole whack of other supplements, but I'm not really big on supplements, so don't use them much, personally.

Then, after 14 days, I get a cheat meal - hooray! Cheat meals are fabulous, and I plan them WAY in advance.  And it's not a cheat DAY, but a meal - when your butt leaves the chair cheating is done.

Then, you go back to eating...non cheat things.  Carbs, for me, are out. Fruit & dairy are back in. (YAY!) Then, after another four days, another cheat meal!

The cheat meals are important because you still get to eat all your favourite things, just not every single day, and by keeping a cheat meal every four days or so and eating, supposedly, carbs, whatever your body doesn't become SO unaccustomed to them that you develop sensitivities. It's kind of awesome.

Now, there are questions and concerns about "detoxing" while nursing.  Have no fear, people!  I'm eating BOAT loads of food, lots of nutrition, drinking oooooooodles of water...the baby is not going to be lacking for sustenance, and I'm not going to die.

Today...I feel a little bit like I'm going to die.  I've eaten SO MUCH FOOD today, but none of it my usual comfort belly-fillers....and I am SO SO SO HUNGRY.

This morning, I had two eggs, a handful of cashews, and a handful of snap peas - it was DELICIOUS.

Then, for lunch, I ate this giant salad (oil & vinegar dressings allowed - dairy/creamy dressings, no) - a whole romaine heart, almonds, crab meat, and a giant fat carrot.

Dinner was delicious chicken breast with broccoli & carrots. If I'd had some corn on hand I would have made up corn, but I need to hit the store.

Yes, I still eat corn - vegetable! Technically some people on this protocol don't do corn, but I do. And it worked amazingly before, so I'm doing it the same. (Live with it, Sensei! hahaha)

So, day 1 is done.  Day 2 tomorrow!

OH YEAH! I forgot!  Today, 210 lbs. Huzzah. About 35 lbs more than pre-pregnant, super healthy me was this time last year, so... doable.  It'll go. Maybe slowly, but it'll go.  Right now, I just want to sit down in jeans without wanting to cry in pain.

Aaaaand I thought we were getting calipered tonight at kickboxing, but we didn't.  So...will post that humiliating information...whenever it comes! hahaha

Okay. It's uber late, this is way longer than I planned (I do that, don't I?) aaaand the gorgeous baby is already asleep and in bed, so I'm outta' here!

Cheers, all! Thanks for the support! Let me know if you have questions or want to give a detox a try and see how your body reacts.

Red

"Just" had a baby.

Well, here we are. Nine weeks after my Mini Miss joined the family. And she's PERFECT. As, honestly, all babies are, who am I kidding?

....but mine is UBER perfect. Hahaha

Mini Miss, Day 1. Sheer perfection, honestly!

Seriously, I love being a mom. I ADORE my girls. Snuggles, tickles, giggles, burps, cries, "cupcakes," lost teeth, butterfly kisses, sausage-link legs, and unibrows. BEST. GIG. EVER.

But as much as I love BEING Mom, I do NOT love looking like "Mom." This whole, frumpy-Mormon-mama look I have going on at the moment? Yeah....sooooo done with this. Hahaha

Now, one of my all-time favourite quotes EVER is from the excellent J.K. Rowling about how ridiculous we, as a society, are about fat and weight and appearance. And I 100% totally agree with her position (which position I actually hope to address soon in a specific blog post... Time will tell!) but at the same time, which, again, I will write about later, I can't handle being this fat any longer. Hahaha

Okay, and here's what you're going to say. Or, at least, what everyone DOES say: but Red, you JUST had a baby!

Well, as true as this is, it's not entirely. She's still pretty new, but she's not TOO new anymore. I mean, as teeny as she is, she's gained about 4lbs aaaand you can't tell me that grinning face belongs to a newborn baby.

And I'm breast feeding thus far, so, obviously I need to be eating like a cow because, well, gosh darn it I AM a cow!

Here's the thing: I don't think cows secretly binge whenever no one is looking.

On EVERYTHING.

Yeah, since Mini Miss arrived I have been SERIOUSLY struggling with keeping it together, usually failing miserably. Just with food, though. I've still got my head about me. Well, as far as I can tell, anyway... Maybe Mr Man has a different opinion of that, but he hasn't yet shared it with me if that's the case....

Let me explain a bit better. I made fudge to take for dessert to a friend's house for dinner one night; my fudge recipe requires marshmallows. So...I bought a bag of marshmallows and an extra to have on hand so next time fudge-making comes up I have some on hand. ...both bags of marshmallows were empty by the evening.

I bought some fruit-by-the-foot crap "for Little Mss" the other day because the ginormous box was seriously on sale and it's a nice treat for her on the rare occasions I buy them. I put her to bed at 8 and by 8:15 I'd eaten 3 without Mr Man even knowing I was eating anything at all.

I sneak chocolate chips from my baking supplies until I run out.

I ate ALL my Easter candy in two days. And I got a LOT of candy for Easter. And I snuck candy from Little Miss until she ran out. Poor kid.

Oh yeah. That fudge? Yeah. I ate all the leftovers in a day. Almost all by myself. No big deal.

It's kind of funny; I've lately been trying to explain to Mr. Man about my food troubles, and he TOTALLY doesn't get it. You should have SEEN the look on his face when I told him I'd eaten 5 of Little Miss' fruit-by-the-foot snacks during the day, and how ridiculously extra face-crazy he was when I said I had JUST inhaled 3.

But he's never struggled with eating disorders, so, well, duh. This is NORMAL for me. This is my LIFE. I KNOW that I'm in control and I can make decisions, but my gosh, with food? SO not in control. I make up my mind that I'm never eating a fruit roll up again, and five minutes later I've had three. And there's like, no in between. I'm CONSCIOUS when I'm eating, but like, not in control.

I don't know how to explain it. Because I am, obviously, in control. It's just...I'm not. There's a disconnect between my brain, my feelings, my taste buds, and my stomach. And it's not something I can explain to anyone who doesn't experience it or hasn't.

I don't think I'll ever NOT be like this with food, because this is even after years of help, therapy, and I'm like, all BETTER, you know? It's just how I'm wired, now. Shrug. I don't know,

ANYWAY. So...YES, I just had a baby. But not "just" so much anymore. I'm into my fourth week back at kickboxing. My face, thankfully, is a little less fluffy than ten weeks ago, so that's a start. But I'm pretty big. A least, for me. And, honestly, I don't think just for me am I big anymore, but whatever. It doesn't matter.

SO, since I have such a hard time with this on my own, I'm planning to be back to blogging. I NEED the extrinsic motivation and accountability, even if NO ONE reads this stuff I need to think that MAYBE someone MIGHT, and I'm horridly the type of person who hates admitting to failure, so, THAT is often the kick I need to get myself where I need to be. Honestly, if you need me to do something, just give me a deadline and tell me you'll be checking, and it'll be done PRONTO. Don't give me a deadline? Yeah, that sucker will never get done.

Anyway, starting tomorrow at kickboxing we have the option to be weighed in and have skin-fold assessments done (again) so I will be opting for that, will post my current stats (they're fabulous) and track from there. Also, will be restarting my fourteen-day detox protocol to get myself back to my body's proper eating so that I'm back to being the healthy me that I'm used to living with, instead of the me that's hiding in garbage-bag-shaped tunics all the time.

Aaaaand the baby is crying for the boob and the Mister is getting a bit agitated waiting for me to finish the post sooo...until TOMORROW, friends! Please let me know if you check in so know how embarrassing it will be to fail because I need me to be able to do this. For me. For my family. I need to be my best me, and that means taking care of me. And I suck at that on my own when I'm just "starting" out.

Thanks, folks! Check ya latah!
Red

Death sucks. Period.

I'm a week away from my due date, now.  And I'm suddenly hoping this baby stays IN for as long as possible...

I had an acquaintance. An absolutely lovely acquaintance who was such an integral part of some of my dear friends' lives it always amazed me that we never really ventured passed being well acquainted with one another.

She was so many things I aspire to be.

Anyway. She died today. She had breast cancer, and beat it. She was a superstar. She wasn't going anywhere for anything.

But then the cancer suddenly showed up in her spine, and ever since then, well, that was kind of it.

And she's gone today.

And I don't know what to do.

I'm not crying - we weren't close enough that hearing of her passing has me bent over a box of kleenex, though goodness willing I will be at the funeral and I am certain the tears will flow freely.  But right now...I'm just...forlorn.  It's the only word I can come up with.

I'm sad for her family, her friends. I'm devastated for one of my dear friends who considered her a mother. For her grandchildren here now and those that will come in future. What a horrible thing to NOT know her.  I'm devastated for her best friend, who, in my humble opinion, is dealing with WAY too much in her life right now, and has now, officially, lost her one obvious go-to person in the world.  Best friends are so important. I'm lucky to be married to mine, but not everyone has that in life. How do you get through it when your person leaves??

And I don't know what to do.  I messaged Mr. Man earlier: I wish there were something we could do. Anything. I wish death could be "helped" for those who lose people. I think that's one of the worst things, how helpless it makes us feel. There's just...nothing you can even SAY, let alone do. It just sucks.

I have appointments tonight, and I don't want to keep them. I just want to hole up in my home with my family, mourn, and hold them close to drink up every moment with them that I get. Little Miss is sitting beside me here at the table drawing pictures of me - "Mommy! Look how big and fat you are, being pregnant!"  The only thing on her mind right now is the any-moment arrival of her little sibling... She asks why we're sad and we say that a friend died today, and she says, with all the gravity possible by her five-year-old self "I'm sad, too, Mom, because you're sad."  And then she skips off to keep playing being a pirate, and drawing pictures of her people.

It just sucks. And I DO have some pretty strong beliefs, faith, what-have-you about the eternal nature of life. I know that there's life after death, and that it's a bazillion times better than what one would be experiencing in mortality while cancer ravages one's body. And for that, for her, I rejoice. I am happy to know she's free from the pain and suffering of being here.

But that doesn't make it NOT suck. Maybe it makes it better, but it still sucks. Death just sucks. It sucks it sucks it sucks. It's sad, it's hard. It's impossible for us to really wrap our heads around, because mortality is all we KNOW. It's all we can fathom or even pretend to begin to understand.  So, yeah. When death wins, and it always does eventually, it sucks.

I had to laugh, though. One of my dear dear friends posted an "RIP" status on Facebook for this wonderful lady, and it just made me smile.  I can't imagine her either "resting" or "peaceful" with her new cancer-free self!  She used to say of herself that her passion was the theatre, while her day job was at a desk.  She was always up to and into something. Always on stage, acting, singing, dancing. She was beautiful. She had four sons, and from the little I know of their family, what a riot they must have had! She was one of the most infectiously-delightful people I've ever been in contact with.

So no, I can't imagine her resting. Or "peaceful." I'm sure she's at peace in that she's no longer suffering, but my goodness, did anyone ever know her to sit still? When she beat her breast cancer she took up different types of exercise, not that she was ever idle before - she's always been one of those beautiful, healthy ladies everyone envies because of her poise - started TEACHING exercise classes. Participating in different fundraising campaigns to BEAT cancer. She bought and redecorated a house, painted the whole thing, renovated the kitchen... she worked her butt off in her volunteer church positions, and even took on extra projects like putting on a musical production about the stories of the various women whose interactions with Christ are recorded in the New Testament and Book of Mormon. She did that just because she could, because she wanted to. No one asked her to do it.

She had the greatest collection of shoes a girl has ever seen.  hahaha Which is such a silly thing, but I love that she loved herself enough to take the time and the money to make sure her feet looked fabulous.  We don't all budget for that.

Anyway. I've had a few blog posts ratting around in my brain the last couple of weeks, but this...this just had to come out.

We loved her. We'll miss her.  Our hearts break for her.  I look so forward to the day when I understand eternity. And in the meantime, this sucks. We'll all survive it, her family, her friends. But I so wish life could end without tears.  I don't know.

It sucks.

When Pregnancy Brain Attacks...

from: pregnancy-brain.jpg

So. I'm pregnant. 

You know how you hear stories about women losing their minds when they're pregnant?  And not ONLY in cranky-pants hormone fits (ummm....see my last post - totally NOT immune to those!), but we actually get DUMBER. 

As if growing human beings inside our abdominal cavities and all the fun physical repercussions of THAT insanity wasn't enough, the little parasites actually SUCK our brain power. 

(Funny story about that - Little Miss & I have been flipping through some anatomy texts so she can see what the baby looks like inside my tummy and what-not, and today she found a pic showing the baby, other inside bits, and up top, the brain.  She's all....how does the baby get all the way from down there to up to the brain? hahaha Because zombie-baby is LITERALLY sucking my brain... whoops. Parenting fail!)

Anyway. Yes. Brain power. GONE. 

Like, it's GONE. 

Let me illustrate: 

Standing at the checkout of a store with a girlfriend I was trying to pay.  I had cash & coinage to pay with. AND I had enough money.  

So I pulled out my money, in my hand, and held it out....

...waiting for the money to start making sense... 

I finally got the dollar amount together and passed that over, but then was faced with the challenge of counting out a whopping nineteen cents. 

I know, hard, right?  Once those numbers pass ten, it's just....WHOA. 

So I stand there.  With my hand out. Full of change.  And all I need to do is find nineteen cents somewhere amongst that change.  

I wish there had been nineteen pennies.  I think I could have done that.  

After standing there, stupidly, for what felt like an eternity... 

...and not just to me, because FINALLY my gal pal reached over and fished out the change I needed from my palm.  sigh

Another time, slightly more recently, I was preparing myself breakfast.  Now, a lot of the time for breakfast I will make myself a couple of boiled eggs, have some greek yogurt, and an orange.  It's delicious, keeps my tummy calm, and I stay full for at least a couple of hours O:-) 

Well, this one morning, I opened the refrigerator to get out my yogurt, which I buy in large tubs because it's cheaper and less wasteful than buying the individual cups, and then I just dish out a tiny bowl full of what I want to eat that morning.  I know, revolutionary, right?  Anyway, the yogurt had the night before ended up in a little tower of sorts on the top shelf of the fridge, stacked with a tub of sour cream and a jar of seafood sauce. 

So, I reach in to the tower, disassemble it to get at what I need, and retract my arm and hand from the fridge. 

Holding sour cream.  

Duh!  Well, that's understandable. The sour cream is the same size and shaped tub as the yogurt, and they were stacked together. No big deal. Plus, I mean, come on; we all pull that crap sometimes, no?  Your brain is just distracted and you grab the wrong thing?   No big deal. 

So open the fridge door goes again, and into I venture. Going for yogurt. Now this time the acquisition of yogurt requires putting the sour cream BACK into the fridge. Which task I accomplish with amazing accuracy - yay for me!  

I grab what I want, come out of the fridge again, look down at my hand...

...and I'm holding the freaking SEAFOOD SAUCE. 

WHAT THE HECK?! How did I confuse a JAR of SEAFOOD sauce for a tub of cherry greek yogurt?! 

And did I just go into the fridge twice for yogurt and come out with the wrong thing?? TWICE?! 

I'm happy to report that I paid enough attention during the third attempt to emerge from the refrigerator successful, and did eventually get to enjoy my yogurt with my breakfast that morning.  

But. Oh. My. Gosh. 

I'm so stupid on pregnancy my parents keep laughing at me and asking if I'm going to get better.... it's BRUTAL. 

Anyway. We're staying up late to watch Cap'n Jack Sparrow try to reclaim the Black Sparrow from mutinous Barbossa and I'm needed in the kitchen to help make the sweet popcorn.  Pray for my family that I get all the correct ingredients.  I can use all the help I can get at this point!  

To my pregnant friends - I wish nothing but the most resilient brain-power to you ever.  Or, enjoy laughing at these couple of my idiotic placenta-brain moments.  There have been many, and I'm sure a few more to come before the Nugget debuts in a couple of weeks. 

Then...on to NEWBORN BRAIN!  

Bring it on. 

It's a human being.

Well, here we are.  I haven't written on this blog since last June? July? I think it said June when I logged in.... anyway.

2012 was a pretty crappy year in the Red+ household, frankly.  I mean, some awesome things happened, but it was a tough year.  Just lots of....crap.  hahaha And while dealing via writing helps me a lot sometimes, I just couldn't be bothered to take the time.  Spent my me-time kickboxing, reading, and playing with my friends.  

You MAY have heard, probably most people who would bother to read my blog, that in 2012 I FINALLY got pregnant. FIN.AL.LY.  My gosh.  FINALLY when inappropriate, nosy people asked about our procreation plans we had good news.  For those we felt like telling, anyway. O:-) 

I count it amongst my greatest blessings that thus far in my life I have been pregnant twice and had no 'serious' problems or complications. I haven't had the horrible misfortune of miscarrying early on, and while this baby still gestates the computer is bouncing around in my lap with kicks and punches, so with less than a month to go 'til Number Two's debut all appears to be fabulous and healthy with both myself and the fetus.  Which. Is. AWESOME.  

After waiting so long for this baby please know I DO NOT take this for granted.  

Anyway.  

You may have seen (and voted about me blogging! hahaha) on Facebook that I have a bee in my bonnet. I'm sure it won't surprise anyone who knows me at ALL to know the bee is baby-related, and YES, has to do with people who continue to prove my theories about the ever-increasing stupidity of humanity.   

So. Here it goes. 

What is the FIRST thing that someone asks when she finds out you are, or anyone else is, pregnant?

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WHY is that the first thing people ask?!?! WHY?! WHY WHY WHY?! Why does it MATTER?! Seriously?! Does it really MATTER if someone is expecting a girl or a boy? Is our society still so unevolved that you would PREFER for someone ELSE to increase the boy vs. girl or girl vs. boy numbers by contributing offspring to one or the other sex?  Is it BETTER to have a girl or a boy? Is a boy less worthy of celebration or a girl more worth shopping for because you HAVE to dress her in pink and lace?

Can we not just be thrilled that, assuming everything goes okay, the family is expanding at all?

Yes. WE, the PARENTS like to find out. We like to know what our medical professionals think the baby is after the ultrasound. It helps us wrap our heads around the fact that I'm NOT just getting ginormously huge for no reason, and to connect a little bit with the idea of another being showing up in our lives.  But neither Mr. Man or I CARED that Little Miss was expected to be a girl, nor do we CARE about the sex of this baby. Quite frankly, we're both hoping that the ultrasound tech made a mistake and we'll end up with what we're NOT expecting, just to spite all the what-are-you-having-ers. Or a hermaphrodite.  I mean, honestly. It HAPPENS.  It's not so uncommon as NOT to happen.

And while I am ALL for gender roles and girls and boys being different - we ARE different, and I believe VERY strongly that our differences are God-given gifts and/or assignments in life - I DO NOT, nor can I ever imagine myself agreeing with the mindset that forces girls into pink and pearls from BIRTH and boys trucks and sports. WHY just because their genitalia are different should they be denied opportunities to pick favourite colours or toys or activities?  I even saw one "friend" on facebook post that she had to quickly CORRECT her daughter, who preferred playing with her brother's hockey stick than with her barbies. WHAT. THE. CRAP.

Little Miss has been a fabulous introduction for us into raising a daughter. We love her unbelievably. And we're not the only parents to feel this way about our kids - we KNOW we're uber biased, but gosh darn it, I LOVE being her mom.  She is just an absolute delight.

And you know what? She is HER. SHE likes pink, glitter, making jewellery, crafts, colouring, writing "stories" and reading books. She likes Batman, Lego, video games, Mouse Trap, martial arts. She loves princess movies and Barbie movies and Transformers and Power Rangers. She LOVES animals. She wants to be a zookeeper when she grows up.  She loves her stuffies and Little Pet Shops to all be in little families of Mommies & babies - any toy she has one species of is an incomplete set until she can pair it up with a mom or babe.  She loves computers. She loves cooking.  She loves climbing, swinging, sliding. She plays imagination. She wears dresses and skirts and dresses up as Batman for Hallowe'en.  She loves sword fighting. She loves doing manicures and pedicures.

So, yeah. If this baby is another girl, we're kind of stoked about that because our last experience has been amazing. Little Miss is just...HER!  And if this baby is a little boy? I'm super stoked about THAT because it's a new challenge - diapering around extra bits? What? But he will have the same choices and opportunities that Little Miss has had - if he wants to sing and dance and play with dolls, you'd better believe that's what he's going to do.

 Even "knowing" what we're expecting, there's a fairly high chance that these most educated of medical personnel are mistaken and we MIGHT have a baby of the opposite sex.  So no, we don't KNOW what we're having. Except that we assume at this point, with everything pointing to awesome, that we ARE having a baby. A wee teeny tiny bitty human being.

And because we seem to be oddities in our feelings about gender-stereotyping BABIES, we have decided, twice now, that while we know what we're EXPECTING to have, we don't share that information with very many people.  Because, really. WHAT in the heck does it matter? And no, I won't be ONLY using blue or ONLY using pink for whichever my new offspring turns out to be.

So...what set me off specifically today??

Well, we've told SOME people. Not too many. Only people we know who love us and regardless of whether or not they understand our opinions love us enough to smile and laugh and respect our opinions, and keep the information to themselves.

And yet, the gossipmongers are working their magic.  I hate them. I HATE them.

The anticipated gender of my baby is NOT your news. It never has been your news. It never WILL be your news. Any and all information concerning the contents (or more often emptiness) of my uterus is not nor will it EVER be anyone's information except for ME and Mr. Man's. You do NOT get an opinion, nor should you get to know unless expressly told by ME or the FATHER.

Ever notice how I did NOT stand up in church and share my "good news" with you meddlesome lot? Yeah, that was on PURPOSE. Because it's NOT YOUR BUSINESS. You don't get to pick and choose what of my life events you find worthy of celebration with me, and I did NOT ask you to care about this.

I am so infuriated with the gossiping and with the assumption that my life is public just because I now happen to be very noticeably pregnant.  Half of you didn't even find out I was pregnant until after Christmas, and guess what, folks? Baby's due THIS month.

Anyway. I'm HAPPY for you people who like to broadcast your pregnancies and baby's anticipated sex from the tops of buildings. Really, I am.  I have as much say in your doings as you have in mine, so it's not like your "I'm having a boy!" announcements bother me at all. Everyone celebrates and does things differently. I am not RIGHT, this is just how I am.  (Though I do believe I'm right in thinking "correcting" a female from hockey is WRONG WRONG WRONG, but then again, I have a degree in gym class so I'm a little biased towards enjoyable physical activities).  I'm just infuriated with people who so blatantly disregard my wishes and willfully misunderstand and/or ignore everything that Mr. Man and I want in these regards.  Just because you don't comprehend our thinking doesn't mean YOU'RE right, nor does it give you the right to step on our toes or make us feel second-rate or judged.

And I believe it is never ever ever ever ever ever EVER appropriate to spread news about someone that you haven't that person's explicit permission to share, and we definitely have NOT green-lighted ANYONE sharing the sex of the fetus.

And that, dear folks, in a rather large nutshell, is what got me so insanely riled up today.  And why I  DON'T confide in many of you anything about anything because, frankly, you can't keep it to yourselves. You care more about getting and sharing information in your "good intentions" than you actually care about us. And so I will continue to be tight-lipped about my life, my choices, my decisions, my family, my plans, because instead of listening, caring and appreciating, you judge, mock, and gossip. Goodness, if you can't keep the sex of my baby a secret how could I EVER trust you to keep something actually IMPORTANT and "juicy" to yourselves??

(Obviously "you" above doesn't necessarily mean YOU, specifically....it's one of those general yous to the yous who suck the happy out of things. YOU yous. Grrrr to yous!)

Anyway. Apologies for offences, but, hey yous did it first. ;-) hahaha And a bunch of you asked.  Bring on the negative comments - I know I'm a minority in my opinions, but I don't care, and it doesn't make my feelings invalid.  Go ahead and judge and tell me what a horribly cynical miscreant I am.

But just so you know, this miscreant is kind of awesome, and you're very probably missing out because you can't be bothered.  Your problem, not mine.

...I'll try to write again (maybe something less scathing? hahaha) before 2014. Maybe I'll even tell you about the baby when it's here! 'Cause...you know. That IS pretty exciting!

Cheers, all!