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| (image from: http://ishellneville.com/maya-abdominal-massage/) |
I mean, I guess there were maybe SOME clues.... I dunno, maybe when Mr. Man snuggles up close to me, draping his arm across my tummy results in his very swiftly being elbowed in the face and yelled at I should have seen the signs.
Maybe when I was pregnant and strangers (sometimes it's people you know who really are just STRANGE) placing their appendages on my distended belly immediately and without fail caused my blood to boil, I should have GUESSED.
I HATE having my abdomen touched.
I HATE it.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it.
I don't know if it's totally 100% an insecurity thing - that definitely doesn't HELP, I'll admit, ESPECIALLY my post-baby belly. Even 4 years later and skinnier than high-school...ICK - or if it's just...I dunno, my weird thing (I don't have any other idiosyncrasies, right? RIGHT?? .... come on people back me up, here...)
Whatever it is, though, I hate having my tummy touched.
So, today, at school, when we talked about doing abdominal massage and how fabulous it is for this and that and the next thing.... MY abdomen was busy flip-flopping around as my horribly overactive imagination skipped ahead to the part of class where we strip down and practice on each other.
Oy. Oy freaking vey.
Anyway, I get myself partnered up with Sensei D. Which is fine and dandy; we've partnered before and it's fine. A bit funny sometimes because we know each other outside of class - it's a bit weird to see someone at kickboxing that has also seen and massaged my glutes, I'm not going to lie - but he's a good guy and we have fun. And my other friend, Zinds (blog names are tricky sometimes! I like this one. At least how I created it - muahahaha!) currently has a blood clot in her arm so CAN'T massage, really, so she tagged along with us.
Now, one of the best ways to get over discomfort with massaging a uh, sensitive area, is to have that area worked on yourself. So with this theory in mind my partners (and instructors) suggested I hop on the table first to get it over with and get comfortable with it.
Ohmigoodness.
To have your abdomen done first you have a towel placed over your chest, and then you, the patient, hold on while the therapist pulls the blanket and sheet down from underneath the towel. It's very neat, very discreet, proper, conservative, whatever. Highly appropriate uncovering, you know? Maybe you don't - I'm finding out it's weird for the general public to be as laissez-faire about body parts as most health care professionals are.
So, Sensei D gives me my itty, bitty, wee teeny tiny towel, FOLDS IT IN HALF and places it carefully where it goes. Then asks me to hold on so he can undrape my belly.
I was dying. DYING. I think I was holding on so tight it made it SUPER hard for the poor guy to get the blanket to move! hahaha I couldn't NOT hold on for dear life, though! I mean, what the heck?? I have kickboxing tomorrow! Hey, Sensei! How WEIRD was that when my boobs fell out in class yesterday?? Yeah, NO! that was TOTALLY not going to happen!! Soooooo, yeah, I kinda' crossed my arms and held on.
Then, finally, he got to undraping my tummy. Boobs safely covered and tucked, nothing anywhere it shouldn't be.
Except wait a second, my belly is HANGING OUT, just sitting there.
I was dying. I can't even tell you. I know, because Zinds told me, that Sensei D started to do my abdominal massage and then offered it to Zinds, who having never done it before decided to ignore her serious health issues and give it a shot. She worked on me for about ten minutes, during which time I had to continuously be reminded to breathe, my instructor kept trying to get my shoulders out of my ears, and I could NOT perform proper diaphragmatic breathing, which is generally pretty easy, to have my diaphragm treated.
Honestly, I think I would have preferred Sensei D to have been practicing breast massage on me. That, I mean, I KNOW is going to be awkward for everyone involved, then we're going to get out our giggles, get over it, and move along. My abdomen?? BLECH.
It was torturous.
NOW, IF/when you go for a massage to release the serious serious serious tension in your body HAVE ABDOMINAL MASSAGE - it's fabulous and amazing to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, WHICH is the one you want working when you're looking to chill. Also, it will unconstipate you, which is faboosh 'cause you're probably are constipated - who knew, right? There are 20 people in my class and I was the ONLY one having a spazz attack on the table, so...there's at best a 20 to 1 chance you'll react like me. And, frankly, I haven't given up hope that I WILL RELAX and be able to RECEIVE this treatment and then be awesome at performing it in my own practice.
But today? Was freaking BRUTAL.
So what have we learned??
Stay the heck away from my tummy! hahaha
Cheers!
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